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WHAT AM I?: Nephilim WHAT AM I?: Nephilim
A teen boy gets killed, but trades his soul for another chance. He changes. A girl notices the new boy with silver eyes.
Letter to a friend

Letter to a friend

A Story by Natalie C
"

I was staring at a blank screen, trying to figure out what was going on inside my head and this was the end product. Just some insane ramblings which probably doesn't make much sense but needed to be said. I didn't edit or alter this in any way, so feel f

"

 

Hello my dearly devoted friend,

 

I know it has been a while but you know, you brought me nothing but despair as I tried to walk out of this bittersweet relationship of ours.

I know you are always there, under layers of clothes you patiently wait. Hidden to the rest but trapped inside my mind, making it hard for me to resist, even thought I know that this isn’t right. I should have gotten rid of you, yet strangely, I can’t

 

 

I don’t need you,

That is what I keep telling myself but strangely, I still keep you.

 

Thinking back, you always were;

 

My safety net,

When it felt like I was falling too far

 

My sanity,

When everything else failed

 

My guiding light,

When darkness called my name

 

But mostly

The one thing that kept me out of my early grave

 

Cold to the touch you brought me warmth. I know that doesn’t makes sense, specially for those who doesn’t understand this friendship.

 

This unconditional love…

 

Love for the dimensions you brought to my life,

Being my savior, my strength .You showed me kindness, a sense of incredible relief

 

So how could this friendship be wrong?

 

Condemned by the masses, I hide you away meeting secretly almost everyday.

Rekindling our “tell no one affair”

It feels like I am cheating on life, hiding inside the dark corners of the night. Cursing God’s light whilst looking up into the skies remembering Macbeth’s words, like it is all part of a nasty dream…

 

"Stars hide your fires, let light not see my deep and dark desires"

 

Over and over again, they maul inside my head,

Whishing that everyone could just let me be,

Let us be…

Yes, I am your slave, you my kind master

I would follow you willingly, no questions asked. The problem is, how do I explain this?

 

How do I make the people understand?

 

I know this isn’t normal, so how could they even begin to comprehend what this fatal attraction is all about. They who stand in the light, do they even know about the dark side? The side, whose existence took over such a big part of my life,.

 

You are like a drug, a sick addiction, making me insane as I sometimes sit, craving your touch. I hear your voice taunting me with your devious chants

 

“Are you alive?”

 

“Are you alive?”

 

“Are you alive?”

 

 

Always the same three words, over and over again, knowing just how to get me back within your demonic hand. Leaving me torn, as you laugh knowing what is going through my thoughts

 

Am I?

Am I really?

Maybe I should

Just one little one

Just to make sure

Nobody would ever know

 

Emotionally I cannot and will not express myself. Never again will this world see another tear shed by the eyes who is forever now wearing a disguise.

 

Maybe I should!

 

The urge building inside as I hear you asking once more

 

"Are you alive?"

 

 

Covering my ears, I am not supposed to hear. Fight you I must, after all this is a friendship one should never trust. Unwillingly I make my way towards you, to the place where I know you lay and wait,

Constantly calling my name…

 

Coming to a complete halt in front of your tempting domain, staring at the scars you gave. Reluctantly knowing that you would always be a part of my life

 

As I once again,

Pathetically

Gave in to you cries


© 2008 Natalie C



Author's Note

Natalie C
I was staring at a blank screen, trying to figure out what was going on inside my head and this was the end product. Just some insane ramblings which probably doesn't make much sense but needed to be said. I didn't edit or alter this in any way, so feel free to rip apart what ever you want. I just needed release...

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Featured Review

This was so deep I t caused my head to ache a bit as I over thought all the different possibilities of what could have been running through your mind and I must say this was a wonderfully amazing journey that this piece took me on. As I found myself lost in thoughts and ideas. It it's always a pleasure to have you take my mind on a walk with your words. I really enjoyed this and all the different styles that took place all in one piece of writing.


Great Job!!!!!!!

Posted 9 Years Ago


4 of 4 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

A quite interesting rant. Good job. THank you for sharing your thoughts. Debileah

Posted 8 Years Ago


this was a very good start i think you should organize it a bit pull it all together

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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pal
This how all internal dialogues looks like, only that we don't reveal to the outside world.

nice rambling here.
pal

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I find most un-edited writing a pleasure. This "rambling" as you call it is a natural flow of thoughts and deep emotions beautifully composed by the mind. Thank you for sharing

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Guess some ramblings can turn out a great piece of writing.
Dawn

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

I know exactly how you feel though. I've been there, er, well, am there. You can function without the world knowing but all the time your thoughts drift back to it. That one things that no one knows about. But once they do know, you can't ever be rid of them.

And you do do it to make sure that you're still alive, still concious. I always love when I find the answer.

But, at any rate, this is a wonderful write and I'm glad that you were brave enough to write it. *hugs*

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

What a great rant! Unlike most, you've done it in a descriptive, well said, and beautifully written and unique way. Most rants are unorganized and fragmented. They're all over the place with no way to follow the writer's thoughts. You, my friend, have gone above and beyond. The constant battle raging in your own head, you've tapped into it and given your reader the path to understanding it. For posting without reading over it, or editing, there are really very few punctuation and grammatical errors, but honestly I think they're best left there. In a way, it further helps the reader understand the frustration of the war inside. Well done!

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

oh such addiction to love,creeps under your skin,crawling in your brains,he is your safety in nonsecure world,your sanity when everything makes no sense,your light when everything turns dark,he is your life keeps you away from death,giving you warmth of life ,keeping you away from cold of death,this is great writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Woh, Damn!! Man, if ya want to hear a great rant, then this is the perfect one to read! I love how u express ur soul here. Every word kept me so focused from one line to the next. Very powerful words here. However, im truly sorry about this kind of pain ur in. I, myself, have felt it many times. Wish i can come thru the screen and give u a hug or somethin :) Ur very beautiful in many ways. Always remember that. Dont give up on anything. Be strong. For me ;) Great work!

B.A.

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

They who stand in the light, do they even know about the dark side?

Is a question I often posed to myself, and I think the light is only an illusion, because in one way or another we all live in darkness, only that the other one's problems seem insignificant as compared to ours.

I think that it isn't pathetic to follow your hart, even when you know that it may cause you trouble, because it love isn't worth it, then I don't know what is.

Cheers 1000!


Posted 9 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 23, 2008

Author

Natalie C
Natalie C

South Africa, South Africa



Writing