Drowning

Let me wade out into the
ocean of grief, desperately
thrashing, trying not to
drown in the heavy
darkness of love long past,

Let me wade out into
the watery grave as the
storms rage on, roaring
and weeping crying giant
tears of white foam for I
died a long time ago
when my heart was left
to float upon the
desolate
seas
alone,

Let me wade out into
the ocean of grief,
just let me go,
so the waves may wail  
and make the ground
shake with its pain and
let the weight of their
watery misery crash my
bones and break my body,
brittle with longing for
a touch it once knew,

Let me wade out into
the ocean of my grief,
for it is the only place,
(my dear), I still find
you. 

Reviews

[andrew mitchell]

What a beautiful poem with lovely imagery! Well done, very good!

[Pushkar Prabhat]

WoW!!!
awesome imagery......perfect......
vivid description of the grief and longing........
beautiful poem!!!
i loved it!!!
:)

[Andrew Rayne]

It is just beautiful. Rather, just and beautiful. Elegant in its description and the emotions wrought within the lines. It is just so, that it conveys a prolonging of the inevitable with a score of hope. A wonderful play on the mind. Now, as to be a true review as I hope you would want, I would not be without critique.

For a poem of the spoken word, this was a delicate read. For those who have a good concept of prose, it comes somewhat naturally to breakdown poetic verse even if it has been bereft of being broken into. Therefor, I have two things to critique on this.

Firstly, your punctuation is not bad, and I do not want you regarding it as such. It is however not enough as to illicit the the silence a poem like this needs. The breaks that make your eyes stare at a verse and say, this is the one that hit me most. The pauses are few and to far creating a torrent of rushing through when true poets would rather be thrashed around by every drop of rain of the storm you're trying to create before crashing into the sand.

Secondly, and this is more of an opinion of sorts. Is that your diction seems rather cut off. In the beginning, it had a wonderful effect on the eyes and ears. Your words were chosen well, and rightly so. However, as the storm raged on, your prose took on a more strained feeling. As if you were lost for words and used synonyms for phrases you said once before. Not that synonyms and similes are wrong in any way, but yours felt strained with just a touch of being out of place. As if you wanted to continue the poem but not exactly sure of which colors you wanted to paint the sea next.

All in all, a lovely poem. You are not without talent, that is clear, and I can assure you that opinions will always be both positive and withdrawing no matter how grand you become. Only take into consideration the opinions you wish to convey into the heart of your work. For those are the only ones that should bear any meaning, for writing is nothing more than opinions compared to inadequate absolutes. Hope you have a wonderful day Ms. Nelia.

[jdr / Jennifer]

Very impressive- this is such a beautiful piece, yet it reveals such a dark tone and a deep sadness to it. It reminds me of being alone, isolation, death. "roaring and weeping crying giant tears of white foam for I
died a long time ago when my heart was left to float upon the desolate seas alone" a brilliant piece of work. Thank you for sharing your talents.

[mattavelli]

This is lovel, such a vivid dramatic scene. I pictured it as just before dawn, with a bit of blue building above the horizon; out over the water.

[....................]

wow... that is heavy grief, indeed... I've lost friends and family to the ocean and have felt this grief... it is familiar and you capture it perfectly... that feeling of drowning in sorrow never really leaves us because it is in the drowning that we find the ones we no longer have... love this erite- you are talented...

[Relic]

~How often we feel overwhelmed when it comes to the loss of someone dear. Your comparison to wading in deep waters relays your experience of drowning in sorrow and heartbreak. There may also be a tinge of guilt which is such a tactile sensation when submerged in such despair. You've done an excellent job here. Welcome to WC.~

[Reflections]

As I read through, I could visualize myself "wading into the watery grave". It's sad, but seems triumph is not far from defeat. I really enjoyed this. Keep your chin above water and keep writing.

[Kshitij Srivastava]

I like the choice of words. It's intense, sad and emotive and i love it for them. The third stanza, i thought, had a phenomenal impact on me while reading. Awesome write....way to go ( :