But Some Realism We Humans Just Can't Take

But Some Realism We Humans Just Can’t Take:

 

“You look like him”

It’s funny how four little words can take center stage

How they can dance around like reckless clowns inside of your brain

How they can open up your highest security vaults

Without any codes or unlocks

Take your fears and dreams from off the shelves for materials to later

Tanatalize and tease you

Penalize and beat you

For just wanting the unseen

For just being a child with a childish dream

For praying to all the gods and goddesses

That maybe, just maybe

Out of the millions of voices that they hear every millisecond of the day

That they’ll hear your plea

But mathematically speaking the ratio of that happening is close to nothing

So realistically speaking

You should shut your mouth before your voice runs out and all you’re left with is your hands and knees

But some realism, we humans just can’t take.

“You look like him”

No, no, no, no, no

Mother don’t tell me this

Those words are like acid coming from your lips

And I am the wicked witch of the west

Those words will melt me into my rest

Please, Please

Take them back

I don’t wish to face the fact quite yet that

I am not just your prodigy

That there is another part of me

That despite you working from 9-5

And then from there going in line for the pantry just to make breakfast for my brother and me

That there is a man far, far away that sits back and drinks rum all day

And as you kiss our black and brown hair

Watching our plaid, formal dressing slip behind closed metal doors

You debate for how long you could possibly afford

To send us to private school, while working three jobs

While washing our clothes in a tub

While putting food in our belly and clothes on our back

While paying our constant medical bills because we both fall sort when it comes to health

While struggling to keep a roof over our head

And oh, well let’s not forget

That our s**t is constantly in boxes,

Moving twelve times in one year

Living in constant trembling fear

That he’ll bust down the door again and beat you bloody

While you scream to me

“Aurora, Aurora take your brother to your room and don’t come out until I tell you to!”

But mother, I couldn’t do as you told me to.

Every time I stood frozen in fear

And the memories of me doing nothing repeat over and over

Plaguing my every nightmare

Like they have been for the past twelve years

“You look like him”

But he knows nothing of the constant struggle

And he grins leisurely from ear to ear

Like Cheshire the cat

Showing his mischievous, playful smile and then disappears

The place where the three of us should be

In the human organ called “the heart”

Is a storage room

Set in temperatures below zero degrees

And is as empty and vacant as the spaces between the fingers of my left hand

Right where his stronger hands should have been holding on to my brother and me

Don’t tell me he was a charming man

Because all evil has an alarming amount of attraction

They set up a prize cloaking it in a beautiful, perfect disguise

And then when you’ve done all as they told you to

Followed their every whim

They use that cloak as the netting,

The netting to capture you in

He captured you mother

Ripped you to shreds

And then left you to pick up the debris of your armor

The scraps of your metal

The mess that “you” got yourself in

Mother, I think of you as invincible

Like batman, superman, spidey, the hulk

And unbreakable dam keeping all of the water out

Like the pyramids of Giza

Like all of Shakespeare’s plays

Like the statue of Liberty

Her torch radiating rays

Of promises and hopes for all to see

But mother, even statues and heros wipe tears away

So please, don’t tell me

“You look like him”

Because I am not that black haired, blue eyed demon

I am not one of your many images of abandonment

But by saying that I remind you of him

I start to believe that I am just a haunting presence

A recollection of what you could be

A singer of the opera

A actor of the act

An artist of the craft

A chef of the gods

The list goes on and on

You could have been anything and everything

That’s one thing that you’ve proven to me

But you gave up everything to raise two little twerps

One of which who couldn’t even  hear until he was three

One of which who was “blessed” we every disability

Bi-polar, dyslexic, ADHD

The rest are in quotations because we don’t have the money

For the proper machinery

To analyze his psychological well being

So he keeps going into mental hospitals

And we keep trying to go to therapy

But you can’t help those who throw your help away

Tossing it into the building landfills of emotions he can only express through physical means

Because he doesn’t see the point in trying when his father can’t see

“You look like him” x3

Which part of me?

I want to throw them into a trashcan

Ignite it into flames

Watch as the flames twist and turn

Playfully, passionately, elegant and swift

A complicated, sinful, desire-filled dance

Watch as these genetics crumble into ash

And as the smoke disperses into the air

I will rid myself of this fear

I will rid myself of this longing

Rid myself of this intangible living being

That nobody wants to hold onto

Rid myself of this guilt, these thoughts

That crawl around like pestering insects

But this is just one of those things that you want to make yourself believe

False realities

Like neverland

You can run from growing up but you can’t hide

Someday, you have to face those tormenting demons inside

So the truth, I will never rid myself of these imperfections biology has place on me

And nor would I

Because through the hardships,

Through the pain

Through his absence and memory

Through the sweat and blood

I’ve molded like clay

Formed from every experience people and life have given to me

Formed my feet, formed my arms, formed my neck and my hair

My head, brain and every single complex maze of various doors enclosed in that space

I’ve learned that I don’t need strong, masculine fingers to hold my hand

To prove that I can align my feet with my hip sockets and stand

I don’t need the title “Daddys little girl”

To prove that I am special to someone in someway

I don’t need the reassurance of a deeper voice

To know that it is perfectly acceptable for me to take claim to my own individual qualities

I don’t need to be placed high above someone’s head

To prove that I can make it through life’s poisonous grasp

Because my feet are on the ground

Only seeing what my peripheral vision will allow me

And I’m still alive

Headstrong, stomping on

With or without you

“I look like you”

But you are just another man to me

And my brother and I might be your offspring

But we are not a part of your reality

But I forgive you

Because some realism we humans just can’t take. 

Author's Note

:D So happy to be looking, reviewing and uploading new things again! Yay!!!!

Reviews

[TheBatman]

This is really good

[Aurora .I.]

^__^ Thank you very very much!