In The Shadows.

She drew on the cigarette and blew out the world.

He inhaled and the world felt good again.

She felt distance was the cure.

He was running from himself.

She was just running.

She drew on the cigarette and blew out the world.

He inhaled and the world felt good again.

She walked in the night.

He lived in the shadows.

She wore the scars.

She drew on the cigarette and blew out the world.

He inhaled and the world felt good again.

She felt his presence.

He was waiting.

She touched the long blade.

She drew on the cigarette and blew out the world.

He inhaled and the world felt good again.

She felt the hairs rise.

He knew it was time.

She felt the long blade in her hand.

She drew on the cigarette and blew out the world.

He inhaled and the world felt good again.

She walked into the shadows.

He came into the light.

She watched as the long blade entered his throat.

She drew on the cigarette and blew out the world.

He inhaled and the world felt good again.

She saw him smile

He touched her scars.

She drank his blood as he left for the afterlife.

Reviews

[Tamara Beryl Latham]

During the Halloween season macabre poetry continues to hold the reader's attention.
Thanks for sharing this piece. It was dark, but enjoyable. Others have offered you suggestions for improving the poem, but you also have poetic license and editing is your choice. :)

[Paul Bell]

Maybe edit it next year.

[Tamara Beryl Latham]

Yeah! I agree with you. Too late now. :)

[angel]

"She drew on the cigarette and blew out the world.
He inhaled and the world felt good again."

These lines were a great beginning; I was impressed. I became less impressed when you recycled them...repeatedly. You need a fresh start for each of your stanzas, I think.
You can come up with some beautiful new lines. I know you can. You did write those first two lines, after all.

[Paul Bell]

Think I became less inclined myself. Think we call it, lazy poetry.

[barleygirl]

Being hungry for Halloween gore lately, I really love how you did this so slowly & with such precision in the final cut. That was a great scene shown vividly. I immediately loved your first 2 lines -- the kind we all wish we'd written -- but when I see you using it for every stanza, I'm a little unsure if I like it . . . I'm not a fan of repeated repetition! But since the lines are hot, you get away with it! *heh! heh! heh!* Dripping with Blood, Margie

[Paul Bell]

I know, stop repeating, just bloody kill him and get on with it. lol

[alanwgraham]

This is is very dark Paul. It comes over like a dance of death between the two. On first reading i wasn't too sure about the repeated lines but I think it works. The supernatural vine is good
Well done.
Alan

[Paul Bell]

It's getting to that time again.

[alanwgraham]

That should have been vibe - you probably guessed!

[andrew mitchell]

a bit of blood lust here Paul, nicely written.

[Paul Bell]

Getting prepared for the big day

[Onlyme]

Creepy and spooky. Great read. Drew you in and keep your attention from start till end.

[Paul Bell]

Getting to that time again

[john l smith]

Good spooky stuff
Isn't smoking bad for the health

[Paul Bell]

Think everything's bad for your health now.

[The Iron Horseman]

Very dark, Paul. Chilling too. Suitably macabre with Halloween approaching. I think I'll carry a sword, just in case your woman is hanging around! :)

[Paul Bell]

Get arrested here for carrying a sword.
Ok with a gun though.

[The Iron Horseman]

Guns it is then!

[sette]

what an ending to this poem, it was full of surprises nothing beats the way you write paul surely missed reviewing your poems

[Paul Bell]

How we doing. Where have you been.

[sette]

just been busy lately

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

We kill some and some kill us. That's just the way love goes. I can imagine her burping and launching a hunt for the next victim. Till ab bigger Dracula finishes her lol. Nice writing Paul.

[Paul Bell]

got a feeling you maybe right.

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

Thank you for kind of agreeing with me :)