Saint Lucy's Deal

Come on in young man and have a seat, you're the one everyone's been saying I should meet. There's apparently something very special about you, you possess certain skills that I'd like to put to use. I understand you serve another and that's fine, but I doubt He has a kingdom quite the size of mine. I'll make a couple promises in exchange for your loyalty, just follow my instructions and I'll bring you fame and make you royalty. Come now and walk with me, I'll show you things to come. At the end of my presentation, you'll know that I'm the one. I'll place you high above the rest, they'll worship your every word. I know you know that I'm the best, let me give you the world. The luxuries of aligning yourself with me are endless, pledge to me allegiance now and let's begin this. The whole entire world will rest inside your mortal palm, everything the eye can see is yours if you want. I'll drape you up in diamonds and cover you in gold, everyone on earth will be under your control. You'll eat the finest delicacies, and taste the finest wines. I'll indulge your every sense, and stimulate your mind. The choice is yours free will and all, it's out of my control. The world is yours, all i need from YOU is your soul.....

Reviews

[barleygirl]

After reading several of your prose-poems with irregular rhyme & rhythm, finally here's one where the rhyme & rhythm is so well done, I wish it were formatted like a poem so we could read it with emphasis where it needs to be for each line & rhyme. But no worries, some devices make it hard to format, so I'll give you a pass on that part. There are a few places where it feels like you've added an excess of words that don't convey the same sparkling meaning as your poem does overall, possibly causing it to feel a little sluggish as we are kinda eager to get to a finale where the "twist" is revealed. I would like to see less of the blasé parts of the build-up, & more intensity & detail & length for the ending which is the best part. Your message is well-done, but the pacing could use some work as you build suspense & eagerness in the reader, on your way to the finale. Your word choices, for the most part, are original & sparkling with cynicism & sarcasm.