Sometimes ⁓ (lost in yesterday)

English [Shakespearean] Sonnet

   Sometimes ~

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     Sometimes ~ when twilight falls I lie awake,

     pure image of your face I’ll contemplate;

     then, loneliness … my heart beats with such ache,

     no fantasy of You will compensate.

     Sometimes ~ a sadness sweeps throughout my soul …

     forlorn, with wispy dark clouds gath’ring low;

     soft, blue skies form, a gentle breeze ~ I’m whole!

     All life becomes a tender, warming glow.

     Sometimes ~ I know and never shall forget,

     while other times I wonder what fate holds,

     but always sings my heart, a minuet …

     sweet rose bouquet our every word enfolds.

         Sometimes ~ beside our pond I’ll dream awhile,

         content within soft mem'ries of your smile ~

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     Richard W. Jenkins

               ©2015

Author's Note

Painting: Untitled
Sumie Ink, Watercolor, and Colored Pencil on watercolor paper … by Korean artist, Stella Im Hultberg.

Honest, critical, and constructive reviews preferred, please. : )

Reviews

[Unspoken poet]

Sometimes ~ I know and never shall forget,
while other times I wonder what fate holds,
but always sings my heart, a minuet …
sweet rose bouquet our every word enfolds.

I really like this part, especially the part "minuet"
nicely written

[Richard🖌]

Thank you again, Kimmie 🍂

For ready one of my hopeful little poems, and another lovely review.
Your highlighted choice is one of my favorite verses, too … "minuet", ohhh-yes! : )

Warmest hugs! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[Jade]

Aww, this is so sweet and wonderful as well as lovely

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Brandie🌸
I am elated you found such favor in this rather pensive little Sonnet.
Your lovely comments are warmly appreciated, too.

Many blessings to You! ⁓ Richard : )

[George Coombs]

Skillfully crafted and beautiful writing, a very real sense of a seperation yet-"blue skies, form a gentle breeze, I'm whole, all life becomes a tender, warming glow"-a celebration of hope being able to blossom in the midst of heartache-for me the concluding two lines sum everything up so well especially "...the country of your smile" a country- a place where one can live, move and move on, great writing

[Richard🖌]

Ah, George,
How brilliantly you interpret my humble efforts, and how concise you've woven your understandings into the warp and weave of my own words.

Uncanny, and ever-so appreciated … thank you, My Friend! ⁓ Richard : )

[George Coombs]

Your welcome Richard

[Einstein Noodle]

V1 L3 "... my heart beats with ..." seems to make the accent on with .. doesn't seem just right to me ..but i may need to re-read a couple times to get the sense you are after ..
the rhyme scheme called for is abab cdcd efef. then gg when i looked it up ..you cut a fine line in Vs 1 &2 ... I have to call you on that .. "dark clouds" and "soft, blue" seems you stretch the iamb a bit... dark and soft having just a bit too much strength in them (to me) same with "...what fate holds,"
pentameter is correct .. turn is sublime and correct .. and who can ever complain about your love themes Richard! not me! your V1 L4 is such a depth of ache ..love it! and again your closing line contains such grand love and admiration .. profound and worthwhile love for sure ... now..critique my critique so i can learn some more ;)))love and peace
E.

[Richard🖌]

Remember, Gene,
When reading a Sonnet, the lines must be spoken "naturally" in a "smooth. constant" rhythm, with no stresses "EMphaSIZED", as the stressed and unstressed emphasis is only for "learning" the correct cadence and beat of the Sonnet, not for normal reading or reciting.
Try reading smoothly in a constant pace through the lines, rhymes, and rhythms, to see if they come into better focus for you.
The manner in which you're breaking the different aspects down, though, is a good study, but it is in the learning mode of over-stressing with great emphasis to get the ideas of iambics across to a novice Sonneteer, who is just learning the intricacies of this most challenging idea.
Try reading the lines of this one in a more smooth, natural, and refined manner … I don't think you'll stumble.
When a beginner, we read as a beginner, when well-studied, we read as one more familiar and refined, more in-tune with a poem's smoother rhythmic heartbeat, the iambic tempo and rhymes more subtle and finely-tuned to the ear … and, there is a feeling, a sense, a familiarity experienced we can achieve in no other way; if this makes any sense.
If it still seems out of sorts, try this: Rewrite the poem in its entirety, addressing those issues with edits you deem more correct.
I'll be proud to utilize anything you offer that better fits this piece and improves those lines … I love to learn and improve my skills.

Thank you, My Friend … your inspiring presence and helping hand is always welcomed and appreciated! ⁓ Richard : )

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha i knew that was coming ..you are right of course; i was reading with emphasis to check myself as well ..those things i stumbled over are subtle and i can read through them without trouble in a more natural read .. this is a valuable lesson on the sonnet for me ..thanks sir!! i really appreciate our discussion ..

[Richard🖌]

The only firm rule is that we don't "force" words into an iambic beat to unnaturally fit into our needs, and this can often be a fine line that takes the practiced and experienced ear to correctly discern.
As you know, some iambic beats are hard and decisive, some are smooth - almost even, while others are soft - almost indiscernible … each requiring a more refined level of skill to correctly perceive.
Learning poetry and all of its fineries can be a most wonderful experience … this is one of the aspects of our art that has kept me so involved and dedicated for most all of my life … plus, sharing with fine writers and folk like you.
You are warmly welcome, My Friend … I, too, thank you! ⁓ Richard : )

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ...................

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Richard,
I found myself in the gentle, lovely allure of images and romantic feelings brought into the mind through the use of nature and its truths in your poem, "sometimes."
"When twilight falls-I lie awake." and "a sadness sweeps throughout my soul. to "wispy dark clouds gathering low."
Then this up swell of hope's joy once known; "Soft blue skies form, a gentle breeze- I'm whole."
Who can resist roses? "Sweet rose bouquet our every word enfolds." I even found myself seeing them as dark red!
Last but not least, just because it lends to sense of beautiful out of doors. "Sometimes- beside our pond I'll dream awhile, content within the country of your smile." Although Country may mean home land where your self and memory of loved one are citizens. I truly found this an inspiration to my heart......Blessings to you...............Kathy

[Richard🖌]

Goodness, Kathy!
You so sweetly warm a bard's heart and soul with your pleasuring words of appreciation, understanding, and praise, that so deeply, so truly touch and embrace the senses with gratification, encouragement, and joy.
You gift me a feeling of happiness and lovely satisfaction that I write for, share with, and touch you in such wondrous ways.

Warmest hugs 'n grateful blessings, Dear Poetess! ⁓ Richard ; )

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Richard,
I feel if something is read it should be understood. I try to understand. Maybe something is shared in a poem that will stick. Can I learn something in that way? It would be nice.
Anyway you have a nice-fun play with words in this one which I found very refreshing, even uplifting. I hope you continue to draw from your creative well some of the wonderful traits which you have listed in your above response. We all need some of those...and thank you for gracing me with your kind and ready response. It so nice!

Bless you kind sir! kathy

[Richard🖌]

Such a joy you are, Kathy … I bow! ⁓ Richard

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Me too then! Kathy

[Susan 🦋]

Life alone, now left with memories
Struggle with love, never meant to be
Remember the darkness in your eyes
Allowing this love to slowly die.

A sadness now grips me to my core
exhausting, each breath a painful chore
Love of my life, you rejected me
Destroyed our future can't you see?

Please release your hold upon my heart
Permit forgiveness to do its part
This baby bird needs to learn to fly
Unrequited love was meant to die.

Oh the feeling in your "lost in yesterday"......I have to catch my breath.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you so much, Susan!

I love your review more than my Sonnet, because it has deep-felt, abiding meaning, penetrating to the core.
You are so beautiful in nature and kind of heart to bless me in such a precious, personal way.

Hugs to you, My Lovely Friend! ⁓ Richard

[Susan 🦋]

you know what that is Richard? it's that simple and basic understanding of one's feelings..when you realize you are not alone...someone else can "feel" what you feel...your words are heart felt and true...." no fantasy can compensate"?....between wanting to forget...and not?...and does it ever get better?and know in those darkest moments...there are dreams....that can never be taken away....ahhhhhh the feeling is this little gem of yours!!!!

[Richard🖌]

I'm swept!

[Susan 🦋]

payback! :-)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Renée]

As always.. it is lovely reading your pieces aloud in the quiet of a room.. seems to be a dreaming piece of looking sweetly back at a past love...
I do have one question:
while the poem seems to lean towards a past love that is not present..
the last line and use of the phase "country of your smile" makes me think she is beside you..
is that in remembrance of a moment? or a present within the poem?

[Richard🖌]

My most grateful thanks, Renée!
Truly gratifying, these warming sensations from the essence of your enjoyment and praise surge forth throughout my every hpoeful place.
I love it when my humble efforts are so wonderfully appreciated … thank you ever-so sincerely, Renée! :)

In response to your inquiry:
Considering the title and (subtitle), along with the atmospheric moment throughout, and the penultimate line, everything about this piece is meant to be taken as expressed in a dream-state, ie; "lost in yesterday".

Smiles 'n hugs! ⁓ Richard

[Renée]

Thank you Mr. Richard for answering my question.. I can see now...like country that you remember fondly..the poet is remembering her smile encompassing his world.. ( : a pleasant thought...

[B. Boileau]

A touch of melancholy memories, and than the hope brought by a gentle breeze, the wonder of fate, finally the smile... You've penned an entire love story in a few short lines. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you most gratefully, Bill, for sharing your take on this romantically-contemplative effort, and most of all for enjoying it. : )
Many blessings to you, My Friend!

[annalysiar]

Nicely done very well put together

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Anna Dear … warmest blessings! ⁓ Richard

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Beautiful piece!
How the image we hold in our memories are sometimes sufficient to live our lives with. And sometimes the same cannot quench our thirst at the moment of need.

Great write! Enjoyed the imagery!

[Richard🖌]

Jyoti, if anyone would understand the spirit of this piece of yearning fantasy, I knew it would be You! : )
How brilliantly-insightful you are … thank you, M'Dear, and I enjoyed your review! ⁓ Richard

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

You are welcome! I enjoyed it :)

[Richard🖌]

It is nice to enjoy one another, eh? : )

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

..Indeed...

[Richard🖌]

`;.•:*˜ 😊 ˜*:•.;`

[J. J. Nightingale]

Not quite understanding "country of your smile" ...
but still I appreciate the warmth in your words...

Lovely........................
Jazz

[Richard🖌]

The "world" of your smile, the "realm" of your smile, the "universe" of your smile, etc.

read moreThe "world" of your smile, the "realm" of your smile, the "universe" of your smile, etc.

That you, Dear Poetess, appreciate anything about my efforts is gratification beyond any I expected, and for this I humbly and gratefully thank you, Jasmine! ⁓ Richard

[J. J. Nightingale]

Oh.. I was thinking that was the meaning.... Thanks Richard......................J.

[J. J. Nightingale]

You are welcome..(unable to see the thank you here.. but saw it on home page..)..