I am⁓ (lightly deep)

Free Style Form (unstructured verse with intermittent rhymes dispersed throughout, composed with rhythm, flow, and line-breaks in comfortable places)

I am the snow, the light and wind,

the ice-glazed wonder

of the trees ...

a comfy blanket soft and warm, 

dove nestled in its leaves. 

A wind-chime's dance 

enchanting thee,

the lace upon your windowpane,

love song's flowing melody,

the beat of your heart,

in every breath;

but, most of all

I am in your soul and spirit,

as you are alive in mine,

and all things free

inside of me.

Yes, I am forever You,

as You are Me.

Richard W. Jenkins

©2015

Author's Note

Constructive critique, please.

Reviews

[Rose Olstrom]

When I look at this poem I do not see god (this may be partly due to the fact that I am not christian). I see it as a memory. you see the reflection of it in every thing you do and who you are. Each and every memory you have make you whole. Either way this poem gets a 99/100

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Rose! : )
Thanks for selecting this humble little piece to read and review for me, and for your encouraging, appreciative praise through your high score, indeed.
When composing this piece, God had not entered my mind, as it is a poem of love intended for my imaginary soul-mate. Only after receiving several comments considering it God's voice speaking did it dawn on me it could be taken in that way; and, now, you make me see that it could be written as a memory, too, as to a loved-one who has departed this life or simply gone away.
Noting you gave less than a full mark, what did you see, Rose, you felt will help better this piece?

A bushel of grateful thanks to you for such a deeply-meaningful review, My Friend! 〜 Richard

[Rose Olstrom]

I honestly thought the Ellipse used in the first line was unnecessary, that maybe because it only held no meaning to me. But one person's Favorite sound is another's cacophony .
Your Friend,
Rose

[Richard🖌]

Thanks, Dear Rose, for sharing your input and honest feelings with me.

The ellipsis there is properly grammatically used to indicate a pause and to eliminate the necessity of a transition word from the first to second verse, as it would not otherwise have been a completed thought (sentence, if you will).
Ellipsis: used in the omission from speech or writing of a word or words.

Perhaps, if you re-read it now, it might make more sense; I know I often have to do a double-take on others' punctuation, too … LOL!

Thanks again for your valued input! ⁓ RJ

[dw817]

Being more than a bit of a Winter person, I can completely relate to this. Really nicely written poem and, shall I say, frosty ? :)

It clearly epitomizes the beauty and wonder of Winter.

[Gabrielle Esposito]

Richard~
As always, you have provided a glimpse of a place that makes readers long for the reality you have painted in this free verse poem. Your imagery was incredible, especially the line about "the lace upon the windowpane." Well done, yet again.

[Raylene]

very interesting your structure is flawless so I shall move on to the words I would say how you started with the outside and moved in is a great strategy though if you are trying for the all is one I would use more senses in it but besides that this is very promising.

[ReedWrite]

This is my first day on this site...and yours is the first thing I've read, because aside from a passion for writing novels, I've also penned poetry and songs since I was 13 years old...too long ago to remember. :) I must say, I loved this poem, and I cannot tell you why. It spoke to me...but not in words. It was more like the whisper of a gentle breeze, touching the brow and teasing a strand of hair, leaving behind the impression of lover's touch--pleasant, comforting, and tender. Thank you for that. :)

[David Scott]

I enjoyed the flow and loose rhyme. I stumbled a little the first time I read this however. I was tumbling along with the rhyming poetry and then when you transitioned out of it it lost the momentum of the poem a little. Practicing and building up the cadence a bit it reads better.
I like the sentiment very much... This is what we long to have in love. A true oneness out of true individual beings.
I enjoyed the read Richard.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Beautiful, eloquent piece, Mr. Jenkins!
The words sound like the voice of freedom..
This could be taken as a spiritual song, but I would rather interpret it as a song of love where the intensity and depth is so much that the bodies shed themselves and only pure soul remains. And that soul is made up of same elements and hence finds itself in each other and in everything..
Touching write!

[Richard🖌]

Beautiful, eloquent, review, Miss Jyoti!
No one but You has felt the true essence of this piece, and I am not in the least bit surprised, because it is by the depth of your spiritually romantic nature that allows you to perceive the soul of my pen, the depth I recognized when first we met.
Your praise and insights are everything hoped for … warmest of thanks to you, Jyoti! ⁓ Richard

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

You are welcome.

[Richard🖌]

:- )~※~( -:

[marcus]

and we realize, that we are all one and the same, ourselves and each other, forever. Beautiful!

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Marcus, for your insightful understanding and encouraging praise.

Brightest blessings! 〜 Richard

[katie]

This is beautifully written! The imagery is incredibly light and eloquent! This paints a lovely picture in my mind! I have no constructive criticism on this! Amazing work!

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Dear Lady-Poet!
Your thoughts, feelings, and praise are ever-so sincerely valued, as they assure me my efforts to compose and share my humble efforts are reaching another, and what higher gratification could there be for an humble bard such as me … thank you so warmly! ⁓ Richard

[katie]

You are ever so welcome, sir!

[Richard🖌]

Heavy on the "sir"! ;- )

[L. Michelle Corp]

I don't think I have any constructive critique! All I can say is, your poem was glorious. I enjoyed every image and the warm sensations they gave me. I enjoyed the love in your words.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you so warmly and gratefully for your enjoyment, Michelle … you've made my labors feel worthwhile and appreciated far more than I could have hoped for, but I am grateful to you for gifting me such encouragement, appreciation, and inspiration.
A million thanks to you … brightest blessings! ⁓ Richard