Cold Bright Whiteness (innocence lost)

Cold Bright Whiteness (innocence lost)

A Poem by Richard
"

Unmetered Rhyming Couplets (formerly Unmetered Quatrains) in honor of Einstein Noodles' love of flowers.

"


Cold Bright Whiteness

What soul's naïve appearance shall awaken dark dormant me, 
and tread the road that leads where innocence should never be. 


Far into those mountains crowned by winter snows anew, 
there upon the hillside steep a solitary flower grew.
 


From all my darkest moments, alas, I'd learned so very well, 
the flower would be gone with Winter's first hard freezing spell. 


Like death that rattles its bleached and brittle bones, 
all that was ever mine and lost, is what some other person loans … 


and, as the candlelight fades in its last drawn flick of gold … 
in contemplation, I've learned why when it's dark it seems so cold.


Like a beaten, worn-out mallet the cobbler's hands once warmed, 
I’ve lain upon this oft-used bed where foreboding loves were formed. 

So, come grace this bed, beautiful flower; as the sun, I'll warm your hand … 
then, wilt you with my "Cold Bright Whiteness", like snow and ice upon the land.



Richard W. Jenkins
©2015


© 2017 Richard



Author's Note

Richard
Picture, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Constructive critique is always welcome. : )

My Review

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Featured Review

"Like death that rattles
its bleached and brittle bones,
all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans … "

I love this as a whole but those lines sunk in deep. You're a very gifted writer. Your description timeless..


Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Month Ago

Warmest, most grateful thanks, Tracey!
Your words of praise and expressed appreciation for th.. read more



Reviews

oh the knave! ... a father's worst nightmare ... when my daughters would say "...but you scare him Dad!" i reply even today "...they are supposed to be scared of me...i'm your Dad." ;) it is just me but i think this poem might read more smoothly out of the confines of quatrains ... i wonder when writing it if you considered exploding them out a bit ;)
E.
ps "all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans … " deep and spiritual truth says i ... i really had to stop there and think about its application to this dark persona arising to snatch away the last flower and freeze it ...for crying out loud Richard ..you picked the flower and froze it ...yikes! ;))

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

1 Month Ago

i find the couplets smoother in flow ... probably just me ..and you are correct as i pause on those .. read more
Richard

1 Month Ago

Yes, Gene,
it is sad the way innocent flowers are treated, without an iota of remorse or cons.. read more
Einstein Noodle

1 Month Ago

ahahaha ..i am honored beyond the stars sir! ;) you are much too kind
Your poem is full of pathos. That 'dark dormant you' seems to have been shattered by the ' what some other person loans.' Now can the rejected lover only wilt the flower? One is left hoping that the 'Cold Bright Whiteness' will warm up a bit. As usual, your poem is beautifully written.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Month Ago

Thank you, Dear Astri, for such an insightful review for this piteously sad piece dedicated to the t.. read more
all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans …

these lines somehow resonated with me...
mmm so true richard :)


Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Month Ago

I agree, Ria,
So true, that we tend to have a way of forgetting most all we know comes from s.. read more
This is quite an interesting write! I've had to read in several times. For some reason, I am feeling jealousy?
temptation?..no bitterness..interesting how you used a flower as a 'innocent."This little flower seemingly oblivious to the harsh conditions around it and drawn to to sun. Yet, that sun that is to nurture that little flower..very cleverly wilts "her"...with that cold white brightness. You know what this reminds me of? The Spider and the Fly by Mary Howitt...I really enjoyed this...it has me thinking on every word.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Month Ago

Susan,
What an excellent review to this piece in homage to the cold deflowering of an innocen.. read more
"Like death that rattles
its bleached and brittle bones,
all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans … "

I love this as a whole but those lines sunk in deep. You're a very gifted writer. Your description timeless..


Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Month Ago

Warmest, most grateful thanks, Tracey!
Your words of praise and expressed appreciation for th.. read more
I've wrote a VERY long review to this but don't ask me where it has gone?! so I will try to gather the thoughts and hope I will not miss any important one, and You know, we might see something new in each new read.

I see this as an "absolute" deeply manly poem, harsh in appearance, but behind lays a wounded faithful and loving man, keep on putting the mask of "being OK", when tears stuck inside like rivers, hiding behind that strong face, refuse to fall, because he is strong, and he is a man, the strength that life has forced You to be alike, but never with regrets, it made You whom You are, in loneliness, in isolation, when You are all alone memories fold, a once lost love controls the emotions, the heart, the mind, the aching that during each night slowly grows becoming unbearable, imagination soars to find the solace and try to heal what can be healed…

I see the flower as three themes, the lost love who has hurt You, those women whom You've met in life too, and also… the divine innocence, that can't betray, hurt or give pain and heartache, an Angel, that woman You imagine, create, need and want, someone whom You can trust completely, to bloom with You, and also to wither with You, to feel Your happiness and so Your pain, to wait for You, to be patient until You heal... an essence of genuine pureness.

A piece filled with tough heartaches, a sore soul struggling through the hard trails, paving the road with that spark of hope that is becoming more brighter inside the heart, glowing over the mountain, over the pure whiteness...

I feel a cowboy's spirit.
A very special manly poem.


Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Month Ago

I am so very sorry to know you lost your caring review, GH,
But, it is a thrill to receive th.. read more
Beautifully written Richard, the image of the flower allows the poem to "work" for me as flowers can be subject to all kinds of intemperent weather and circumstances yet still retain innocence and beauty, for me the concluding verse sort of 'sums up' bringing the strands of this celebration of love together so very well

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

2 Months Ago

Hi, George!
Well, seems the site was up to its tricks when you gifted me this fine review, by.. read more
George Coombs

2 Months Ago

Your welcome Richard
The rhythms were phenomenal. Up standing write of class Sir

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

2 Years Ago

Many thanks, Terrence, for all the praise! 〜 Richard
You are a skilled artisan, there's a unique blend of softness amid stark allusions. The oft used bed, flowers and candlelight, all set the mood for this delightful and stirring piece of poetry, it's lovely and a little naughty at the same time. Simply fantastic.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

2 Years Ago

When a reviewer speaks such wondrous blissfulness to me about one of my poems, Dear Dove, it cannot .. read more

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Added on September 18, 2015
Last Updated on September 17, 2017

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Richard
Richard

TX



About
From darkness I come to darkness I return, my life's a mere a spark in the night. "MY BLOGS" (click on Blog in the menu above).............................. 1) Reciting Vs Silent Reading 2) On Fr.. more..

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