Cold Bright Whiteness (innocence lost)

Cold Bright Whiteness (innocence lost)

A Poem by Richard
"

Unmetered Rhyming Couplets (formerly Unmetered Quatrains) in honor of Einstein Noodles' love of flowers.

"


Cold Bright Whiteness

What soul's naïve appearance shall awaken dark dormant me, 
and tread the road that leads where innocence should never be. 


Far into those mountains crowned by winter snows anew, 
there upon the hillside steep a solitary flower grew.
 


From all my darkest moments, alas, I'd learned so very well, 
the flower would be gone with Winter's first hard freezing spell. 


Like death that rattles its bleached and brittle bones, 
all that was ever mine and lost, is what some other person loans … 


and, as the candlelight fades in its last drawn flick of gold … 
in contemplation, I've learned why when it's dark it seems so cold.


Like a beaten, worn-out mallet the cobbler's hands once warmed, 
I’ve lain upon this oft-used bed where foreboding loves were formed. 

So, come grace this bed, beautiful flower; as the sun, I'll warm your hand … 
then, wilt you with my "Cold Bright Whiteness", like snow and ice upon the land.



Richard W. Jenkins
©2015


© 2017 Richard



Author's Note

Richard
Picture, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Constructive critique is always welcome. : )

My Review

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Featured Review

"Like death that rattles
its bleached and brittle bones,
all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans … "

I love this as a whole but those lines sunk in deep. You're a very gifted writer. Your description timeless..


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Warmest, most grateful thanks, Tracey!
Your words of praise and expressed appreciation for th.. read more



Reviews

This is downright beautiful.

Posted 11 Months Ago


When i read your description in honor of Einstein Noodles, I felt the love.
Unmetered Rhyming Couplets (formerly Unmetered Quatrains) returned me back to my books!!!

Well done!

Beauty. Death. Innocence. compassion. Hope. Above all, "From all my darkest moments, alas, I'd learned so very well," Enlightenment!

Posted 11 Months Ago


oh the knave! ... a father's worst nightmare ... when my daughters would say "...but you scare him Dad!" i reply even today "...they are supposed to be scared of me...i'm your Dad." ;) it is just me but i think this poem might read more smoothly out of the confines of quatrains ... i wonder when writing it if you considered exploding them out a bit ;)
E.
ps "all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans … " deep and spiritual truth says i ... i really had to stop there and think about its application to this dark persona arising to snatch away the last flower and freeze it ...for crying out loud Richard ..you picked the flower and froze it ...yikes! ;))

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Einstein Noodle

1 Year Ago

i find the couplets smoother in flow ... probably just me ..and you are correct as i pause on those .. read more
Richard

1 Year Ago

Yes, Gene,
it is sad the way innocent flowers are treated, without an iota of remorse or cons.. read more
Einstein Noodle

1 Year Ago

ahahaha ..i am honored beyond the stars sir! ;) you are much too kind
Your poem is full of pathos. That 'dark dormant you' seems to have been shattered by the ' what some other person loans.' Now can the rejected lover only wilt the flower? One is left hoping that the 'Cold Bright Whiteness' will warm up a bit. As usual, your poem is beautifully written.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Thank you, Dear Astri, for such an insightful review for this piteously sad piece dedicated to the t.. read more
all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans …

these lines somehow resonated with me...
mmm so true richard :)


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

I agree, Ria,
So true, that we tend to have a way of forgetting most all we know comes from s.. read more
This is quite an interesting write! I've had to read in several times. For some reason, I am feeling jealousy?
temptation?..no bitterness..interesting how you used a flower as a 'innocent."This little flower seemingly oblivious to the harsh conditions around it and drawn to to sun. Yet, that sun that is to nurture that little flower..very cleverly wilts "her"...with that cold white brightness. You know what this reminds me of? The Spider and the Fly by Mary Howitt...I really enjoyed this...it has me thinking on every word.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Susan,
What an excellent review to this piece in homage to the cold deflowering of an innocen.. read more
"Like death that rattles
its bleached and brittle bones,
all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans … "

I love this as a whole but those lines sunk in deep. You're a very gifted writer. Your description timeless..


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Warmest, most grateful thanks, Tracey!
Your words of praise and expressed appreciation for th.. read more
I've wrote a VERY long review to this but don't ask me where it has gone?! so I will try to gather the thoughts and hope I will not miss any important one, and You know, we might see something new in each new read.

I see this as an "absolute" deeply manly poem, harsh in appearance, but behind lays a wounded faithful and loving man, keep on putting the mask of "being OK", when tears stuck inside like rivers, hiding behind that strong face, refuse to fall, because he is strong, and he is a man, the strength that life has forced You to be alike, but never with regrets, it made You whom You are, in loneliness, in isolation, when You are all alone memories fold, a once lost love controls the emotions, the heart, the mind, the aching that during each night slowly grows becoming unbearable, imagination soars to find the solace and try to heal what can be healed…

I see the flower as three themes, the lost love who has hurt You, those women whom You've met in life too, and also… the divine innocence, that can't betray, hurt or give pain and heartache, an Angel, that woman You imagine, create, need and want, someone whom You can trust completely, to bloom with You, and also to wither with You, to feel Your happiness and so Your pain, to wait for You, to be patient until You heal... an essence of genuine pureness.

A piece filled with tough heartaches, a sore soul struggling through the hard trails, paving the road with that spark of hope that is becoming more brighter inside the heart, glowing over the mountain, over the pure whiteness...

I feel a cowboy's spirit.
A very special manly poem.


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

I am so very sorry to know you lost your caring review, GH,
But, it is a thrill to receive th.. read more
Beautifully written Richard, the image of the flower allows the poem to "work" for me as flowers can be subject to all kinds of intemperent weather and circumstances yet still retain innocence and beauty, for me the concluding verse sort of 'sums up' bringing the strands of this celebration of love together so very well

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Hi, George!
Well, seems the site was up to its tricks when you gifted me this fine review, by.. read more
George Coombs

1 Year Ago

Your welcome Richard

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Added on September 18, 2015
Last Updated on September 17, 2017

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