Poison the Enemy

Poison the Enemy

A Poem by RivuletofSorrow
"

Please review it! I need help with it :)

"
Yummy forensic taste bus
bursting on my swollen tongue
Rheumy pinapple heads
gestating in a pool of disapointment
stewing in my juices
lemon juice
orange juice 
I use it to make fruit salad. 

The pinapple's vulpine features
ellict my empathy
oh rivers of sadness radiated within my soul
wretched need to eliminate
my enemies.

I poisoned the fruit salad
but somehow no one died
I guess they aren't allergic 
like me
to pinapple
The pain, the agony,
feelings of ecstacy 
and its white powder
oh wait that's sugar.

What I mean to say
it that I love pinapple
like I love a song.

I am ALLERGIC to pinapple,
my face swells like a beehive 
on a hill. When I turn
into a Ghost to finish
EATING pinapple.

From, 
Eric your husband,

P.S. You didn't die Erica,
WHY!?
please don't get me with the mallet

© 2014 RivuletofSorrow



Author's Note

RivuletofSorrow
Read 'A Key To My Heart' and it'll make sense :) xx

My Review

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Featured Review

I really like you imagination and your sense of dark humor in the face of death or a type of suicide maybe. Not that I think either is funny but it's not morbid and that makes it much more palatable to me. There is only one grammar mistake I see and since you have given us your story in the story it would be a lot more intriguing if it weren't announced toward the end, in my opinion it would make this poem perfect and I think you are already a great writer, just need a pinch of tweaking but then who doesn't? :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much you really got me. I tried really hard to put in my deep emotions from the deep blue .. read more
Shirlena

3 Years Ago

You're very welcomed and you have succeeded :)



Reviews

Great imagination and real footing on real world, beautiful poem

Posted 3 Years Ago


Wow your writing style is very unique and exquisite! I've truly never seen anything like this. How unique! This is not only a poem., but a story. It's very humorous, and brilliantly worded. I've never thought of using pineapple as a poison. I really enjoyed reading this, thanks for posting :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


This was an... improvement as compared to 'A Key To My Heart'. It was as if there was a lot more thought put into this particular poem, which I liked. The last stanza, however, felt unnecessary. And the sentence at the end, too. Happy writing, anyway :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


You never cease to amuze me :-D love this made me smile. :-D thank you for the request

Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Welcome. Thank you. Amuze wasnt the pln but hey i askd for honesty and i luv to bring a smile to ur .. read more
This refreshing. lol Allergic to pineapples, I've never heard of such but it really spiced up this poem and I like the twist at the end.

Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much x
Well, pineapples will never be the same again, hahaha. That was another creative and imaginative poem from you. I like how you used humor in pointing out the subtle and emotional idea of this piece. Definitely an entertaining and thought-provoking work. Left me wondering. Nice job. :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Wow thanks yu say so many good smart things. Helps so mush!
Ha ha! I love it! Who'd have thought that pineapple would be such an evil part in someone's tale. I thought your description and tone of the poem was great. I could help but snicker and smile as the tale being told had a whimsical feeling to it.
I personally adore pineapple, that and kiwi with a bit of honey and lemon juice on it is amazing!

Thanks for sharing!
Hugs! - Kate

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thanks we should so have a pineapple forum and make it a writer's group together :) Yum! Thank you s.. read more
I really like you imagination and your sense of dark humor in the face of death or a type of suicide maybe. Not that I think either is funny but it's not morbid and that makes it much more palatable to me. There is only one grammar mistake I see and since you have given us your story in the story it would be a lot more intriguing if it weren't announced toward the end, in my opinion it would make this poem perfect and I think you are already a great writer, just need a pinch of tweaking but then who doesn't? :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thanks so much you really got me. I tried really hard to put in my deep emotions from the deep blue .. read more
Shirlena

3 Years Ago

You're very welcomed and you have succeeded :)
you died just to eat fruit? lol. this was also a very interesting poem :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Yes. Thanx
I don't know if the spelling mistakes were purposeful but I found them distracting .....again the first three stanzas great but the last stanza and sentence I felt unnecessary but that's a personal preference to be taken with a grain of salt.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RivuletofSorrow

3 Years Ago

Thank was really usful. Nah, I just have a bad teacher. Maybe you can help with my other stuf to? :)

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12 Reviews
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Added on July 2, 2014
Last Updated on July 2, 2014
Tags: pineapple, fancy words, Imsosmart

Author

RivuletofSorrow
RivuletofSorrow

Toronto, Canada



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Hi! Read my stuff. You'll like it. :) more..

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