A Goddess for Me

A Goddess for Me

A Poem by Athrun
"

This poem is about my dearest Helena. She is very sweet, and the most wonderful girl EEEVVVVEEERRR!!! xD

"

A sun in the morning,

A moon at night,

A warming Summer,

A chilling Winter.

A Goddess above,

A Goddess below,

Her heart is open,

But stolen, oh no!

I love her deep,

A thousand passions ever growing deep inside me,

A moment with her like years,

Oh what momentum doth throw me in such a way,

That thou, your wonderful love,

I cannot possibly compare.

To me you give so much,

To you I give less,

Yet, I share my love with you,

Oh my dearest!

How doth a rose compare to even you!,

Doth it sparkle moreso elegantly,

Doth it smell sweeter,

No, no flower, even the flower of love can compare to thou,

For thou art my dearest,

Thou art my Helena,

Thou art.... My Goddess.


© 2010 Athrun



Author's Note

Athrun
I know I used Doth and Thou and such, I simply felt like using old style language, which I may have forced away in some points. I thank you deeply for looking at this, and I would like an honest opinion.... Thank you very much. ^.^ I love you Helena!

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Reviews

This piece flows nicely and does "show" your passion in my opinion, but I don't "feel" it, it doesn't seem to break the emotional barrier for me, try putting more of yourself and your feelings in your poems of love in the future. Keep posting though!

Oh, and I'm not sure if you're going for proper punctuation, but if so, try question marks after lines such as;
"How doth a rose compare to even you!,
Doth it sparkle moreso elegantly,
Doth it smell sweeter,"



Posted 7 Years Ago


You might want to do some research on how to properly use archaic language like that. I don't know much about it myself but "Thou ist" sounds like it ought to be "Thou art."

Posted 7 Years Ago


Aww i love it! ^^ I love you too!

Posted 7 Years Ago



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348 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on February 22, 2010
Last Updated on February 22, 2010
Tags: Helena, Love, Goddess, A, For, Me, Yay, Beautiful

Author

Athrun
Athrun

Modesto, CA



About
I am a poet for fun.... I'm just average frankly, but I enjoy writing them in my free time. Normally, my poems are about love, Tragedy, but most of them revolve around my thoughts and how I am feeling.. more..

Writing