Take a moment

Take a moment

A Poem by Sam

Sunrise splendid colors
Lit the morning sky,
But no one stopped to look:
They kept on passing by.
There were only two,
Who bathed in light.
They stood there amazed
By its dazzling sight.

© 2017 Sam


Author's Note

Sam
What did you think about it as a whole

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Featured Review

Nice. You should watch your spelling, punctuation and word choice though, Sam.
Line 3 stooped stopped?
Maybe a stanza break between lines 4 and 5 would work better?
No one stopped to look:
They kept on passing by.
Line 5: where/were
Line 6: Who would be a better choice than That.
Also this line does not scan with the rest.
Line 7: awe-struck seems awkward and pedestrian. What else could you use?
Line 8: beautiful seems an overused descriptor. Can you think of a substitute?
Overall I enjoyed this simple poem but I think you can improve it. Even the simple ones are hard I've found.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sam

7 Years Ago

Ah! Thank you so much. I had posted it a hurry and didn't read it again. The review and tips definit.. read more



Reviews

It'd be no use as a hole.
I mean holes are useful - we can bury stuff in 'em!!
oh...wait..as a whole, I see...
Well it did kind of get the message across but made the reader think - 'who are the two?' - 'what's their significance here?' - 'what am I missing?'.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Sam

6 Years Ago

Lol ya I'm not sure how useful it would be as a hole.
Thank you for your review!
I h.. read more
I really like this a lot. It's simple but elegant. Keep up the good work!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Sam

6 Years Ago

Thank you!
Nice. You should watch your spelling, punctuation and word choice though, Sam.
Line 3 stooped stopped?
Maybe a stanza break between lines 4 and 5 would work better?
No one stopped to look:
They kept on passing by.
Line 5: where/were
Line 6: Who would be a better choice than That.
Also this line does not scan with the rest.
Line 7: awe-struck seems awkward and pedestrian. What else could you use?
Line 8: beautiful seems an overused descriptor. Can you think of a substitute?
Overall I enjoyed this simple poem but I think you can improve it. Even the simple ones are hard I've found.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sam

7 Years Ago

Ah! Thank you so much. I had posted it a hurry and didn't read it again. The review and tips definit.. read more

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140 Views
3 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on April 15, 2017
Last Updated on April 16, 2017

Author

Sam
Sam

WY



About
Hi my name is M. Sam Teague every just calls Sam. I'm a student by day and a writer by... well whenever I get time. My hobbies include anything from sitting in bed all day to rock climbing and skiing more..

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