Awakened

Awakened

My consciousness had been

Awakened

I was tired of feeling the

Ache, and

I wanted it to stop.

I was drowning

Quite swiftly

Looking for someone

To lift me

But I was turning to all the wrong people.

Reviews

[Anjali]

A simple and sober poem, reflecting the truths of life.

[Hatter]

Nice, it is simple, while the meaning behind it is deeper. I really felt like I connected with this poem. Keep up the great work

[Haneefah]

Silverink you are doing great. Keep it up

[Jes' Pi]

Hello, SilverInk.

Your poem reminds me of the phrase "As above, so below", which means that what happens on one level of reality also happens on every other level; the microcosm and macrocosm behave alike. The surface of the metaphorical water represents the fantastic portal between those separated worlds, so, as a short conclusion, everything that happens in the water, also happens onshore. Thus, your poem is a metaphorical one which symbolizes the life on land.
The verses "My consciousness had been /Awakened" represent the birth in the 2nd world (underwater ), the flow of the soul in the 2nd world.
"I was tired of feeling the/Ache, and/I wanted it to stop." represent the pain of the underwater world, very similar to the human pain, which increases.
"I was drowning/Quite swiftly" represents aging, just like in the human world.
"Looking for someone/To lift me/But I was turning to all the wrong people." - and there appears the wish to come back to youthfulness and the mild and foamy waves of the surface.

That's how I perceived it. Remember, people will always be subjective on the poem's topic.

First, I don't think the poem has a logical flow.
1-"My consciousness had been

2-Awakened

3-I was tired of feeling the

4-Ache, and

5-I wanted it to stop.

6-I was drowning

7-Quite swiftly

8-Looking for someone

9-To lift me

10-But I was turning to all the wrong people."

In my opinion, you should switch the verses 3-5 with the verses 6-7, so the poem would be in the following way:

My consciousness had been
Awakened

I was drowning,
Quite swiftly,
I was tired of the feeling, the
Ache, and
I wanted it to stop,
Looking for someone,

To lift me,
But I was turning to all the wrong people.

I didn't find any grammar mistakes, which is good.

Concluding, you should pay more attention to the logical flow of the poem. It was a great poem, I liked it. I hope I wasn't harsh and made everything clear. :)

Good luck with the writing! :)

[Najam Us Saher]

Descriptive and to the point. I liked it.

[Einstein Noodle]

i hear you...a very difficult milestone to realize we are complete and can be happy without the "other" person ... but so liberating .. and crazily, it seems, we then do find them ;) your poem is simply stated but draws deep in beginning with the consciousness .. and easy to relate to the feelings of ache ... so its emotive ... and i like what is see as a positive close ... a realization that point one to a better future .. nice read for me
E.

[Kiwi.jh]

This is an amazing poem, though I do feel as it leaves the message at an incomplete. All other aspects are amazing and the poem has a very deep sense.