Rendezvous with me

Rendezvous with me

A Poem by simba

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst .....
as we danced upon the moonlight

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst.....

when I’m holding you so tight

(Whispers)Trust me in our tryst....

l will never leave your side

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst....

as I grow with you

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst.....

I will die with you

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst.....

please don’t slam that door

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst....

we can go on some more

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst....

we can once more dance upon the moonlight

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst....

as the moonlight dies

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst......

as the starlight fades

(Whispers) Trust me in our tryst.......

beyond this life

© 2017 simba



Author's Note

simba
Trust is everything

My Review

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Reviews

I have to admit....not being a writer or real poet......I had to look up the word 'tryst'....I'm a fool.

I do like this......I just don't trust anyone and never will....I have been let down so many times ....I can't get up again....

I do like your optimisation in humanity......I have non at all....

good words my friend....I like it.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


So much richness in this poem, yet I felt distracted by the "Trust me in our tryst" repetition. If "trust" is what you want to convey, it's a bulls-eye. You drove that home. If you want to leave the reader with something more, you might consider limiting your "Trust me..." phrase to the beginning or ending of each stanza. You're a good writer, and there's so much good stuff in this poem, I'd like to absorb more of that. Thank you for sharing another piece of your art. I look forward to more.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


simba

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you for your words and I understand what your saying I think I’m trying to portray the the t.. read more
Robert Ray

2 Weeks Ago

You're welcome. You do that well. So, perhaps it's good as written. Just wanted to share my persp.. read more
simba

2 Weeks Ago

So I’ve changed it up mainly the format to try and convey the subconscious mind, maybe I wrecked i.. read more
i like the strong story line and the emotive pleas of the lover to the "other" ... not sure the repetition lends more strength to the whole ... probably just me and i haven't had breakfast yet .. trust is certainly an important piece for relationships to thrive ...
E
ps. love those little baby feet in your avatar .. are they yours :))))

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


simba

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you for your review I appreciate your comments
Lovely and amazing.sounds like you're praying.a romantic delight


Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Trust me in our tryst as the moonlight dies
Trust me in our tryst as the starlight fades
Trust me in our tryst and beyond this life

LOVE this part, loved the whole write.
amazing set up and enjoyed the rhyme scheme and the message behind the write.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


simba

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you for your comments
This is excellent! I love how some parts rhyme, and yes, the repetition is here nicely used!

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Simply loved the use of repetition in this poem. I loved the little story that it had to tell and how it progressed as the poem did. It's short but you managed to fit in such talent that it scarce not matter. Loved it! Please keep writing and I will be more than happy to read and review your works.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


simba

2 Weeks Ago

Thankyou so much for your review I’m not big at long poems don’t want to bore the readers but so.. read more

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159 Views
7 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on December 29, 2017
Last Updated on December 30, 2017
Tags: Trust, romance

Author

simba
simba

United Kingdom



Writing

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