Run for you life

Run for you life

A Story by AlternativePunker
"

A short scary story with a cliffhanger that I added to my book "The figure"

"

It was just an average Friday night. I was taking a shortcut through the old playground when I heard a squeaking sound. I follow the sound of an old rusty swing, swinging back and forth because of the chill wind. I draw my coat closer to my body and shove my hands into my pockets. Leaves crunch under my boots, it was October, fall weather. I feel a few drops on my nose and look up. Storm clouds were coming in. It was just an average Friday night. I was taking a shortcut through the old playground when I heard a squeaking sound. I follow the sound of an old rusty swing, swinging back and forth because of the chill wind. I draw my coat closer to my body and shove my hands into my pockets. Leaves crunch under my boots, it was October, fall weather. I feel a few drops on my nose and look up. Storm clouds were coming in. I start to walk faster, drawing my hood up over my long dark hair. The sing swung faster and faster. Then something strange happened, it came to a sudden stop, despite the raging wind, it was completely still. Cautiously, I walk up to the swing. The chains the seat were connected to had become rusty. The wind stopped, the swing was still not moving. I look around, the wind was completely still, It was still cold even though there was no wind. I hear a crunching sound behind me and whip my head around. I see an old weathered looking man standing behind me.

"Run," He said. "For there is great evil lurking about."

I stare at him. My heart pounding in my chest. I had the feeling you get when you think someone is in your house. I was scared because the man had no eyes. Just empty eye sockets. "Run," He said. "For there is great evil lurking about."

I stare at him. My heart pounding in my chest. I had the feeling you get when you think someone is in your house. I was scared because the man had no eyes. Just empty eye sockets. He was still yelling for me to run. But I wasn't listening. I couldn't move.

  Blood started to leak from the old man's eyes. The scenery changed. The leaves swirled around me and everything was a whirlwind of brown and red. I couldn't hear anything. I only saw the man's mouth move and the leaves swirl. Then everything was black. I felt something cold on my feet. There was at least two inches of water on the floor. I was surprised to see that I was barefoot. All my clothes were gone, I was only wearing a white hospital gown.

I hear a growl behind me. I see a tall figure coming towards me. I stumbled and fell into the shallow water, trying to run from whatever was coming at me. I stumbled and fell into the shallow water, trying to run. The figure advanced. As soon as it caught up, it was gone. Everything was gone. I sat up in my bed in cold sweat, breathing heavily. I stare around my bedroom. What I saw frightened me even more. There were scratches all over my walls and the whole room was painted black.



© 2017 AlternativePunker



Author's Note

AlternativePunker
It has a cliffhanger, it is supposed to be that way. That is just how it ends.

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The fact that there's a cliffhanger at the end of your little story is a good thing, so I don't think you need to mention it apologetically in your author's notes. Writers often work hard to craft cliffhangers, so it's a goal, not a drawback!

I love the way your story moves thru various strange & inexplicable experiences, all done with good imagery that provokes the idea of being spooky & suspenseful. Your disconnected flow feels intentional, as if in a dream, where things are not happening in a linear way. I am wondering if you accidentally repeated a few lines at the beginning, tho . . . "It was just an average Friday night. I was taking a shortcut through the old playground when I heard a squeaking sound. I follow the sound of an old rusty swing, swinging back and forth because of the chill wind. I draw my coat closer to my body and shove my hands into my pockets. Leaves crunch under my boots, it was October, fall weather. I feel a few drops on my nose and look up. Storm clouds were coming in." Other than that questionable repeat of a passage, your story is a good way to show a spooky scene & practice for possibly doing longer & more complex stories like this! (((HUGS))) fondly, Margie

Posted 4 Months Ago


Ah the cliffhanger!! Why do you do this?!
I want to know more!! It's a really good story, and you have me hooked!. You described it so well too.
I do however think, that you went a little too fast. Perhaps slow it down a little more? Either way it's great. I can picture the setting perfectly, and it gives me the shivers.

Posted 4 Months Ago


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This is great too.. I think it has a lot of potential.. I hope you continue this... :3

Posted 4 Months Ago


AlternativePunker

4 Months Ago

I put it in as part of the figure

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3 Reviews
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Added on December 5, 2017
Last Updated on December 11, 2017
Tags: Horror, Supernatural and occult

Author

AlternativePunker
AlternativePunker

La, mesa, CA



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