Her number

When she was biting her finger,
I asked for her number.
And, the fruitful face of hers
started changing colours.

I mused I had antagonized her,
I mused I had surprised her.
I mused I had mucked everything up-
my endeavour would yield nothing up.

I could hear invisible spectators giggling,
the atmosphere had turned stifling.
My zeal had transformed into regret,
me countenance had turned scarlet.

I was still thinking, when she snapped her fingers thrice,
and enchanted me by blinking beautiful eyes twice.
She asked me for a paper and
was holding a pen in her hand.

Author's Note

Simple four-line stanzas, with simple rhyming and lines of unequal length.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

It's very creative, the way you've asked a simple question in the first stanza, then you get the inkling of an answer in the last stanza, but all the stuff in between shows us the nervousness, the feelings of doom, & all the stuff that can make such a few moments drag on forever, as we battle our fears, waiting for this long-awaited answer. This is a great example of SHOWING instead of TELLING. Great job!

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thanks for such a lovely and insightful review.

[ATCcool]

hahahahah.....LOL LOL LOL It made me laugh

such an amuzing poem

loved it

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

thanks for your review, ATC

[Country boy183798]

Fun and enjoyable to read. For some reason this reminds of my first date to be honest, I was so nervous when I went to ask her out. I really enjoyed reading it. Well done and keep on writing. :)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Nervousness is spontaneous when it comes to important and life-changing situations and particularly when matters come to your love life. Thanks for the review and for spurring me on.

[Shabeeh Haider]

A nice poem. Feelings of uncertainty expressed very well but in the end all turns out fine.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account shifted)]

Thank you, Haider, for your concise and to-the-point review.