Motionless

A small look at a motionless life or is it the beginning of a new one?

I was little, not sure how little but I was… I wanted a second cookie...I stood there motionless; as mom yelled at me. My mind wandered... I’m not motionless... I am still breathing, slightly up and down.

Jr. High, not in style, stuttering words, flat hair as I hide in the hallways. Standing motionless till he passes by. I’m not motionless... as my body trembles.

High school… driving... dates... make good grades, find a job… College or no… Falling in love… Prom night. “You know you want to.” But I don’t and yet I say nothing and lay there motionless. I’m not really motionless as my heart breaks in two.

Years later… No college, took a job, no gratification… not what I thought life would be, marriage, complaints, voices, a dog and urine smelling carpets. He packs… it’s my fault... he’s leaving... he can’t live like this, not enough money, why don’t I fix myself up once in a while… I stand motionless as he walks out. I’m not motionless… I am smiling inside.

Reviews

[Konigin]

These little slices of life... They speak volumes. I really loved the way you wrote this. From your flow, to your wording, to your style... :) I am becoming repetitive...

Anyways. I do have one nitpick: ¨as my heart breaks into.¨ Did you perchance mean ¨in two¨?

Stunning pen Nisa! :)

thank you... yes slight of the typing finger.. I have one finger that.. has a wild side and at times ignores my thoughts.. lol.. Thank you again..

[Konigin]

It happens to the best of us. haha. :) Welcome!

[Woody]

original. unique way of telling the story of a lifetime with a handful of words. a very interesting piece and an enjoyable read.

Thank you kindly for taking the time to visit my writing and commenting...

[willweb]

Wow, this was outstanding Nisa. I love the format of this and the reoccuring theme. Some sad, some very real and a little smile tucked in nicely at the end. I really enjoyed this one today.

Thank you so much... glad it stood out to you... a few of us have been there I think... and sometimes what looks bad actually opens new doors that lead us to a much better place.. Thanks again

[Ania L]

This almost reads like a poem. An interesting piece, you've obviously discovered your style of writing and it's very recognisable. Different and intriguing.

Thank you kindly.... your comments made my heart smile

[Samuel Dickens]

These very personal few words tell of life in a way I definitely understand. For some of us, the road is full of bumps, so we do our best--we do what we have to, and go on.

thank you kindly... it is much appreicated.

[Sean M. Addams]

a very beautifully and emotional piece.. i like this alot everything comes together nicely.. great job

Thank you very much... for your comments and time..

[Sean M. Addams]

your are welcome

[Kosenjou]

Though this seems very simple, its also very thought provoking and emotional
splendidly written.

thank you kindly.. sometimes the simplest things in life can set a course that becomes very complicated

[Stephen]

Am glad to be on your pages once again...This story write's came from your life where once you lived the childhood of yours with family and how you've got lost one night in your past..into the old memories of yours is all what you've expressed via the words. All the components of emotions you've lovingly combined with the words letting the readers watch the moments of your childhood through this excellent story write, "Motionless," what a beautiful title it is. I loved the title, Nisha. As a suggestion, i'd want to say..you should write something big on your childhood story thereby reader's could make themselves lost into the old memories of your past via words.

All the best for your upcoming new stuffs, I've always loved reading your stuffs.
Keep up the great work, Nisha!

Thank you Stephen...its always nice to see you.... This isn't about me but about a life long friend and her life.,.. how she always felt so motionless and just stepped back till all the gray ugliness walked by... Now she is starting anew and not quite as motionless... Thank you again

[Stephen]

Oh I see, well .. but you've really nicely poured the feelings of your friend's life into the words which made me feel that it's a story of your life. This's a sign of a great talented writer who never let the reader feel whose story a reader's reading about cus, readers just want a great material to read which makes 'em inspire and feel good to read or never let 'em feel that they've wasted their time reading stuffs and the same case happened to me here that your stuff's so powerful and I'd yeah ..can say I didn't waste ...even I never waste my time reading your beautiful stuffs, Nisha. Am glad you've started working on stories now and I hope you give a shot to your passion soon.

All the best!
The pleasure's always mine reading your marvelous stuffs.

you are so sweet Stephen... thank you again

[Tesla23]

At first, I thought this was just regular pose, but as I look closer, I see the meaning. That you don't really appreciate something until it's gone, like a home, money, not being verbally abused. When you get over the obstacles, however, you realize how much you've done, and begin too live. Excellent piece.

thank you kindly for visiting my written voice and commenting so favorably..