The Spirit of Vengance

The Spirit of Vengance

A Story by WriterGirl247247
"

Sometimes revenge is the only option.

"
“Please!” Frank begged on his knees. His body was racked in sobs. “I'm sorry, I am. But I don't deserve to die!”
Phil tightened his grip around the revolver. He had driven them to the desert, where no one would hear what came next.
The sun shone bright that day. It was his one day off of patrol, and he leapt at the chance to spend it with his family. His three year old daughter, Penny, bounced excitedly around him and his wife. Emma gazed at her husband with a look of pure contentment. Her arms absentmindedly wrapped around her ever growing belly. 
Anger boiled inside him. It was a rage foreign to him that would frighten any normal man. But he had nothing left to fear.
The mugger jumped out from around the corner. The masked thug brandished a pistol. Emma pulled Penny over to her. Phil immediately regretted leaving his gun at home.
It wasn't hard to track down Frank. He had prior arrests and met the description perfectly. But Phil knew it was him once he saw his eyes. He would never forget those eyes. 
The mugger quickly realized they had no money on them. Phil couldn't wait for the situation to go downhill. He lunged at the gunman. The thug pistol whipped him and Phil collapsed to the ground. The last thing he heard before blacking out were two gunshots.
He woke up in the hospital an hour later, only to find the bodies of his daughter and pregnant wife.
“They didn't deserve to die either,” Phil snarled.
Frank sobbed even harder. “Please, have a heart.”
“You killed it,” Phil replied coldly as he pulled the trigger.
Frank flew back. Blood painted the sand red.
Satisfied, Phil then turned the gun on himself.

© 2016 WriterGirl247247


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I like it, the story and the sentences are short and punchy, as a thriller should be I think.
At the end, the idea that Phil woke up "only to find the bodies of his daughter and pregnant wife." took me out of the story as the logic does not line up. Personally, I would think that there would be someone waiting to speak to him when he woke up - say no more after that as it's already in the tale.
Also, Phil would have money if he was out for the day with his family. I think the idea that Phil acted rashly is sufficient motive for his actions at the end.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

WriterGirl247247

2 Years Ago

Thanks for your feedback. :) I'll be sure to fix those soon. And I have more work if you're looking .. read more



Reviews

I like it, the story and the sentences are short and punchy, as a thriller should be I think.
At the end, the idea that Phil woke up "only to find the bodies of his daughter and pregnant wife." took me out of the story as the logic does not line up. Personally, I would think that there would be someone waiting to speak to him when he woke up - say no more after that as it's already in the tale.
Also, Phil would have money if he was out for the day with his family. I think the idea that Phil acted rashly is sufficient motive for his actions at the end.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

WriterGirl247247

2 Years Ago

Thanks for your feedback. :) I'll be sure to fix those soon. And I have more work if you're looking .. read more

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Added on October 10, 2016
Last Updated on October 11, 2016
Tags: tragedy, revenge, suspense

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WriterGirl247247
WriterGirl247247

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Starting writer that is completely her first book. more..

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A Story by WriterGirl247247