14 again

Hey Simon, if by some stretch you ever see this, you're an a*****e

Hands warm for once
occupied where you placed them grinning
out the corners of your mouth
mine stuffed with cotton wool
dry threads running down my throat
forcing swallows to keep from coughing
choking on the taste
might accidently distract you
from the snow and ghosts on screen
ahead holding your eyes in place
where I’m watching it reflected back at me
pretending that vast blank space is
hiding feelings, maybe
a promise that you’ll come back
palm spread out against my side
carefully avoiding scars

my swollen cheeks
lips slippery with you pressed
close to keep the words from
crawling out in case they scare you away
faster and that strong arm wrapped
around my waist uncurls and disappears
count down
long calloused fingers straying
against my thigh that feels filthy
again stretched around you
slowly leaking that feeling of full
and wanted that you are so good
at giving. An echo
of your hands against my head
knotted in my hair shoving my face down
sly smile playing on perfect lips
later as you tell me you might love me
and rub yourself against my back
muscle bone musician laid out on my couch
waiting now you’re done
Thick acid burning in my chest bitter bile
churning disgust in this self
for knowing I’m only special
at 1am
when you’re alone

let the wool spread up my neck
and nestle in my brain
some comfort in putting distance between sight
and feeling that light security and safety
receding as the credits roll and
you and your guitar walk out the door

Reviews

[Kenneth The Poet]

Stark.

[...]

This is an extremely poignant piece of writing about a harrowing memory - I have some similar memories too. I'm glad you let it all out. It is your right to write.

I hope there is a better, more sensitive and receptive society in store for us all in the future. I hope that the girl child has a safer future all over the world.

[Chris]

Half a world away and yet you're here behind-my-eyes...and real or memorex doesn't matter worth a damn... If I lived across from your flat we'ld still likely only talk he'los in passing.

3AM on porchsteps at the entrance - maybe ... maybe.