The cleaner option

Problem solving(?)

Inhale deep
drag on that cigarette
calms, hits the back of your
throat scratched raw by finger
nails tight with tears that
don’t come wide with the shape
of him balance foot on knee
and exhale
over skin toughened by years of firsts
on the floor followed up by little
dark prickles confess they’re quite
often skipped in the shower
all the way down there
holding you up you
hold it up, balance ankle on thigh
And press burning butt in
soft at first. Face caves
with initial pang then softens, aches
pushing it in til the embers stop glowing,
nothing
pretty pain throbs in bone
 lick fingers and rub away the ash
white dead skin
rubs off too, some one calls out from
inside. Flick evidence
drop foot
to the floor and answer
That you’re coming.
Concentrate, ready now that something
real hurts 

Reviews

[Wondering Mind]

the metaphor and imagery here are brilliant, to say the least.
to my simple mind, this is a mix of the mix-up we've trapped our spirits and bodies in- to, and the need to cleanse it all in repent...
Though self inflicted pain is a ritual much deployed in many cults, and cultivated beliefs, I believe in a much more cleaner option...
Thought provoking, deep reaching write.

[Laura Maidah]

I guess stream-style is your thing. You're very good at it. Why not try expanding your horizons? I've yet to see you stretch your linguistic muscles.

[Chris]

We always find ways to relieve our inadequacies... even the ones we don't have...
So much heart...

Take care,
Chris

[Terrance Brown]

I sat for a long, still while after reading this with my cursor blinking at me from the review box, and me blinking back. This poem real thrust itself into my mind at the expense of everything else that was there before. In fact, such is the gravity of this poem that I can't even remember what I was thinking about before I read it. This is very hard, and very real. I love the stream of conciousness style. Brilliant.

[Kenneth The Poet]

It's easier to purge white stuff than red stuff. That's what I found here.

Nice work!

[...]

. wow ... i'm simply amazed ... to pull that off ... must require a serious amount of intelligence, planning and execution ... to then write about it this brilliantly, would take nothing except genius ... you are a genius ... and what i have believed for a long time now ... is that we need to look for "cleaner options" to deploy our intelligence and ability to plan and execute ... cleaner than even smoking ... it's not easy ... but we have to find those options ... and then shine in the very society that shuns us ... here's to finding better days soon ...

[Richielee]

wow i really like your turn of phrase

[w2de35657u687y4324rf]

"...ready now that something /real hurts" I normally think self-harm is the b*****d child of modern civilization and bandwagon. However, I can definitely see where that last line is coming from. Your perspective on the idea is of a much higher mentality than the "I cut myself because I feel sad" kids. I can almost agree with you, but it's my opinion that all pain is short lived and immaterial-- it really has no meaning, no great revelation within. Rather than to balance and wage war with injury or heartbreak we should cope with pain and smile at the darkness that brews within-- the masochistic a*****e of our soul that has transcended the rest of the world.
I really liked the new image of burning yourself with a cigarette in the shower and how you positioned yourself. It was a break from the cliche razor phenomena upon the wrists. This piece was very well written. The cigarette imagery held steady through the entire poem; I must applaud you. 100/100