angel eyes and her bad boy

this is a small part that I took out of a book I'm writing, I don't know if its good so please give me constructive criticism (its really cringey im sorry)

a little 'kiss' doesn't hurt 

11

Elise

As Sam tugs on my arm, pulling me through the crowded dance floor, the atmosphere around me begins to get hotter and hotter by the second, the music blasting through the speakers becoming louder as we walk further into the crowd, the bodies of other people colliding into mine and many drunk girls stumbling on my feet with their high heels causing me to groan in agony.

We finally make it through the maze of people and walk outside to a sky-blue, distorted pool filled with intoxicated teenagers, people jumping in and out some not even caring about jumping in stripped.

Sam and I walk towards a bar near the pool and she orders us both a drink before I even had the chance to refuse it.

"El, don't let your drink leave your sight, ok?" Luke says from behind me.

"Yes Luke I know, I'm not dumb," I tell him.

He sighs and plops down on the stool next to me, "I just don't want something to happen to you," He says quietly, only so I can hear him.

"Luke, its fine nothing will happen to me you don't need to worry about me go have fun," I insist but he nods his head.

"I won't be leaving your side at all," he sternly says.

- - -

"Have you seen Luke or Sam by any chance?" I slur my words as I stumble to Tal, holding onto his forearms to help me keep balanced.

So much for "not leaving my side at all"

"Yeah, I think I saw them outside sitting in the spa by the pool," he points in their direction and I thank him.

I stumble outside on my heels and walk towards the pool noticing Sam, Luke, Haley, Tahlia, 2 guys who have familiar faces but I don't know the names of and Cheryl.

"Hey El, join us!" Cheryl shouts as she sees me.

"What are you doing?" I ask

"Truth or dare of course," she scoffs, "c'mon get in, take off your clothes and just use your bra and panties as a bikini."

"O-Ok," I stutter after she says this, I'm a little self-conscious of my body so I turn around and as I slide out of my outfit I hear the whistling of some college boys come from behind me as I step out of my jeans.

I turn around, hugging my body and quickly slip into the warm bubbly water in between Cheryl and Sam.

"Ok so where were we," I hear Haley's sly voice start, "New boy," She says while pointing towards Luke, "Truth or dare," she proposes.

"Truth." He says

"Hmm, okay," Haley thinks while running her new, fake nail across her lip and raising her eyebrow, "Do you like any girl that goes to our school and would you ask her out if you do like anyone," She quickly asks.

"Hold on that's two questions," Sam protests.

"Shut up Sam, this is my party, therefore my rules," She says with annoyance in her tone.

"I do like someone," Luke speaks up, "but no, I wouldn't ask her out because I know she sees me as someone else and doesn't think of me the way I think of her," he says as he awkwardly scratches the back of his head and takes a quick glance my way.

Everyone in the spa begins to awe at what Luke had just said, and if I'm honest I'm quite shocked that he can even feel those types of feelings towards the opposite gender.

"Alright, Luke it's your turn," Haley says.

"Cheryl," Luke pronounces her name, "Truth or dare babe," he smirks.

"Dare."

"I dare you to kiss the most attractive person sitting in this spa right now, on the lips," he emphasises the last part.

Cheryl quickly rolls her eyes before bravely turning to the guy next to her, turning his face towards her lips and she smashes her lips onto his, furiously kissing him until he takes a moment to kiss her back, breaking out into a full make-out session.

They pull away after a while, her red lipstick smudged, lips swollen and the blush on her cheeks becoming very noticeable as she comes to a realisation of what just happened. She coughs abruptly before moving on to the next person.

"Luke, truth or dare babe," she challenges him.

"Dare."

"Oooh, new boy's a daredevil," One of the guys from the team taunt and he and his friend erupt into laughter.

"I dare YOU, to kiss the most attractive person in this spa," she asks the same question he asked.

This sends chills up my spine because the thought of Luke kissing me has certainly crossed my mind multiple times lately. But I know he wouldn't kiss me, besides he probably likes Haley.

Luke's eyes fall on me, then he looks at Sam, Cheryl, Haley and Tahlia before quickly looking back at me. His eyes find mine and I'm once again pulled into a trance of this boys brown, gorgeous eyes. I notice him quickly stand up, the water droplets falling from his perfectly shaped body that I can't keep my eyes off of. I tug on my bottom lip while looking him up and down before I notice that he's walking through the bubbly water in my direction.

My breath stops in my throat and I begin to feel weak. There's no way he's kissing me, he's probably walking towards Sam or Cheryl. I quickly look down, avoiding his heavy gaze on me.

Suddenly I feel a smooth but rough hand grasp the bottom of my chin tilting it up to make me look up at the owners face. I see his eyes staring back down at me and I instantly turn into mush.

He leans down, close to my ear whispering, "Angel, I'm going to kiss you because everyone else in this f*****g spa is honestly bullshit and you look absolutely goddamn gorgeous tonight," he harshly says, shocking me before quickly moving his mouth away from my ear and wrapping his hand around my waist, quickly taking my spot and placing me on his lap so that my legs are wrapped around his waist and I'm straddling him.

I hear soft groan leave his lips as I begin shuffling around on his lap to get comfortable and his hands quickly grasp at my waist, bringing me closer towards his lips.

"Angel stop doing that or else I'll do something to you and regret it," he says in a husky tone.

His eyes leave mine and move down to my lips, pulling me even closer so that our bodies are now touching. I become unaware of the people around us, all I want to do is kiss him and my breathing becomes shorter and I begin to pant because of the tension between us.

I bring my arms up to wrap around on his broad shoulders as he begins rubbing small soft circles on my waist with his thumbs, "I'm going to kiss you now Angel," he softly says while staring at my lips, "Can I kiss you?" he asks and I'm too speechless at this moment to reply, "Please," he begs.

I bring my face even closer to his, our lips grazing one another and I can already feel the warmth and tingles throughout my body, I quickly nod my head and whisper a quiet yes before his soft lips quickly capture mine and smash our lips together. Our lips moving against one another's in a perfect rhythm. His soft lips go slow against mine at first but begin to move faster, becoming rougher as he bites onto my bottom lip, begging for entrance and when I deny he moans into my mouth and brings his hands up to my face whilst caressing my cheeks. We quickly break apart to breathe but he leans his forehead against mine and continues to peck my lips, making me giggle into his mouth and his smile into each kiss.

He goes to kiss me again but I decide to tease him and move my lips away from his and I see his eyes stare at me furiously before his hands grab onto my thighs, pulling me closer to him.

"Don't move away from me Angel," his deep voice whispers against my lips before he bites my bottom lip and begins sucking on the corner of my bottom lip.

His soft lips on my skin, move downwards towards my jaw and he continues to kiss there before dragging his nose along my jawline, reaching my neck. I arch my neck so he can have better access but as he's about to kiss me again, an awkward coughing sound interrupts our moment and we quickly stop.

"You kids should get a room," the guy who Cheryl kissed says.

I look around at everyone else and see Cheryl smirking at me, Haley glaring at me and Sam sitting on the opposite side next to Haley glaring at me also.

I make a move to get off of Lukes lap, but he quickly pulls me back, flush against his abs making me sit on him.

"Angel, stay," he demands in my ear and all I can do is give a nod.

For the rest of the game, I didn't get chosen again and neither did Luke. There were a few more makeout sessions and silly dares given out but after a while everyone got bored and people were beginning to leave anyway.

My mind was in a haze and I had no idea what I was doing as I walked out of the spa. I couldn't even find my clothes so I had to walk around in my bra and panties for the rest of the night. I wasn't even walking straight and all I wanted to do was sleep or eat food.

Author's Note

constructive criticism

Reviews

[TobyObey]

Your storytelling is fine, and the descriptions you tell makes it easy for me to imagine the picture you're trying to paint. A few commas and apostrophes were missing here and there. This might just be me, but I feel that the Luke we are presented to in the beginning is a bit different than the Luke at the end?

If you're writing a teenage drama book, then this will do nicely