A World Of Empty Palms

i wrote what i feel and think

i write for the dream, all the words i feel i think that i hear and see going on outside of me, where it is not cold and lonely and i feel like i am free ,filled with words of hope that this is just not another spoke waiting to break under the weight the grating the grading degrading under pressure i feel as if this spoke might have the strength to stay and keep my mind at bay, let me be free in my moments and let me be free in myself to feel for others without guilt or hate or feeling like me being alive is just a disgrace to the whole human race, but now i feel like i am flying in my dreams in the moment totally weightless free from this beast of burden dragging me to the ground where all that exists is the night a life eternally filled with fright, i don't want to live a paranoid existence this sick s**t is just binding pierce, pierce, the sowing machine needle goes, weaving crafting a new mask to bind to my face forcing me to live in the dark a world without heart, this is a mask i don't want, one i will  not accept even if it takes my last bated breath, i want to live free untethered unfettered by the worlds harm, but still care to try to make it better and destroy the factory the one my mask comes from maybe help others avoid self harm, live as brothers and sisters in a world of open arms a world of empty palms...

Reviews

[The Exiled Wolf]

This is definitely a long piece - but is also a sincere one. There aren't much techniques used - but it just shouts the message in a sincerely plain way. Would be easier to read if you break the lines. I can break it in my mind while I am reading it aloud, but the rhyming would come out naturally only if the line breaks are put into it:)

[TheAimlessWanderer]

thanks for the critique i automatically put them in my head whenever i read anything so it is hard to see it from the outside perspective on that i appreciate that you took the time to read it i am glad to hear from you again in truth i am kind of a take it or leave it kind of person i was venting at the time so i really did not put a lot of thought in at the time but i am glad you felt the sincerity of my words and that you got some kind of meaning from them in some way i am hopeful thanks for reading.

[Kiwi.jh]

Wow this is totally relatable. Your point comes out really clearly and it is a really good write. I do agree, you should break the lines just to make it a little easier to read, but other than that the poem is fantastic!

[Clara Kevie]

I like your word choice. It has a cool feel to it, like the reader can really empathize and feel what you feel when you wrote it. The words have good flow, and I think you could improve it by breaking it up into paragraphs. It could help solidify and separate your ideas while also making it visually more appealing for the reader. Nice work :)

[TheAimlessWanderer]

thank you very much for the critique i really have no clue to be honest about even the most basic basic sentence structure so this was an attempt oh well maybe next time i am glad you enjoyed thank you for reading and reviewing (: