Consequences

Consequences

By: Ethan West

Give me a word

A sentence to write

Whatever you've heard

What you think is right

What when born of loss

Comes deep from within

Is its terrible cost

More equal to sin?

But my pen is dry

So now I must cease

With my bitter sigh

My mind is at ease

So if you so dare

And if you would try

Find reason to care

Find reason to fight

For if you do not

And find only hate

A spirit will rot

And salvation

Abate...

Author's Note

It's finally happened. The legal wall has fallen on digital publishing of my works. This is one of the 70 poems from my book "A Winter Walk," please let me know what you think. I'll post a couple others tonight I'd love to get your opinion. This poem was my most critically acclaimed work however I did not enter it into contests but it has been published and featured in a couple local collections.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

"For if you do not
And find only hate
A spirit will rot
And salvation

Abate..."
The above lines are beautiful. I have the great writer's of the 1400-1800 above me. I read their work to be motivate to write. This is a powerful poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[ewest1220]

Of course Coyote! Thank you so much for reading my work!

[Holly Mason]

words that are well placed together
thank you for sharing

[ewest1220]

Thanks :)

[Katelyn]

Well-crafted poem! Keep up the great work (: 100/100

[ewest1220]

Thanks! :D

[Japanese Cherry]

wonderful, i enjoyed reading this. good job

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[MandaBear]

Interesting poem. I really liked it. Made me think. Nice job!

[ewest1220]

Thanks I'm glad you liked it!

[Muse]

I should be slapped for this...but here it goes...so sue me. You know you are adored by many...many wonderful reviews...and you are always courteous to thank many. But for all the years I've been on the cafe...I don't think I've ever seen you once review another. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm just curious. Feel free to delete this post...feel free to not reply.

just another groupie

Muse

[ewest1220]

I've reviewed several, however with all the invites I get it's hard to reach everyone. I haven't been very active the last couple months as you can see from the lack of responses to the comments on my page. With the holidays and a job change I've been completely booked. I have written more reviews than I can count but I haven't been on for as long as you may think. I wont make excuses though and I appreciate your input and if you like I can show you hundreds of examples of reviewed work. However the workload goes up to 200 in a couple of days so I stop accepting read requests until I get a chance to catch up.

[ewest1220]

In short, my supply is having a hard time meeting the demand. For want of a better word.

[Muse]

I will delete my comment..forgive me...just never saw it for myself...dunno why...just felt like asking.

[ewest1220]

It's quite alright. I'll admit I've only had time to read. I'll work hard to make sure that this doesn't happen again :)

[ewest1220]

To be honest I was wondering when it'd catch up to me lol don't worry too much about it alright?

[C.C. Marx]

Short but great all the same nice job

[ewest1220]

Thanks!

[C.C. Marx]

My pleasure

[Bluefire]

Trully amazing! I love the word choice and the picture in my head that this poem conveyed. Well done! ^^

[ewest1220]

Thanks! This is actually getting a video shot for it I'll post that here when it is finished :)

[Bluefire]

Cool! ^^

[scripted]

love it read it like 20 times

[ewest1220]

Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it!

[TheJordBaker]

as always, I really enjoyed reading this. I found myself reading through it faster and faster as I was getting more and more into it and then the ending was just fantastic. top work!!

[ewest1220]

Thanks! It's always nice to hear from you TheJordBaker!

[David Michael]

I'm not sure what to say! I always go into something, reading it for how it may be improved (because I'm of the philosophy that something can always be improved).* But this has already been published, and quite acclaimed you say. So I don't feel like I could make any constructive suggestions that you would have any reasons to listen to, since it already works as is, obviously.

Overall I enjoyed it. It has an interesting point, with I think different ways it could be interpreted. It has, generally, a good flow and a pleasant rhyme scheme, with approximate rhymes.

The only one that really bugs me for some reason is "cease" / "ease", and it's not just because the one ends in an "s" sound, the other in a "z" sound - there's some other factor.... I think it may have to do with vowel length - the "e" sound in "cease" is very short, abrupt, but we draw out the "e" in "ease". Perhaps it also has to do with cadence - there's more of a downward cadence to "cease", more of an upward or at least maintained tone level with "ease". So I think those three things combine to make it unpleasant, whereas all your other approximate rhymes are easy to enjoy.

And here I was, saying I wasn't going to criticize anything. Ah well. I enjoyed it nonetheless.

* Which of course isn't completely true - there has to be some point where any change just makes it different, and maybe subjectively better, but doesn't necessarily improve it.

[ewest1220]

That's an interesting point, I am, as you say, addicted to the approximate rhyme but this one does have a very odd inflection... Thank you once again for the knowledgeable insight to my work. It's always nice to hear form you!