Red off rosewater's blush...

Red off rosewater's blush...

A Poem by Frieda P
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"
 Drowned in ten thousand 
                 ocean refrains
teeming blood rain, killing
             the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
          hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
               tops, defunct of air 
stepped towards a ledge of
           despair's crooked mile,
one foot in  graveyard's 
                  disparaging waves
plunged in a million
             deluged tides of poetry's
     disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of 
             lighthouse's beaches,
spied the trail left behind
       no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
        on this sea of 
              foamy indifference 



© 2014 Frieda P



Author's Note

Frieda P

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The beginning of my comment is going to seem a bit off topic, but I love Tori Amos and this song fits your piece absolutely perfectly, well, beyond perfectly. I love how this piece uses descriptions almost like hers without being too closely alike and how you gave the piece your own unique voice (that kind of thing would make any influencing artist or musically paired artist proud). I really like the way you went about making your point in this write.

Drowned in ten thousand
ocean refrains

^ amazing introduction, you really got my attention here, without really giving away too much just yet.

teeming blood rain, killing
the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
tops, defunct of air
stepped towards a ledge of
despair's crooked mile,

^ This is an amazing use of creativity to move along not only your story but develop the emotional undertones of this piece, which have been created and shared so masterfully. Great job, beautiful use of imagery.

one foot in graveyard's
disparaging waves

^ I love this transition and how it gives the reader not only a scene but some foreshadowing along with symbolism, depending on how they read it.

plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of
lighthouse's beaches,

^ The above lines are my favorite within this piece, they just sort of stuck with me, I can't even tell you why even though I swear I am trying to.

spied the trail left behind
no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
on this sea of
foamy indifference

^ Extraordinary conclusion. I love the way you wrapped up this entire piece of profound thought with something so completely simple.

Amazingly penned write.



Posted 3 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

"one foot in graveyard's
disparaging waves
plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of
lighthouse's beaches,"

We all missed your marvelous poetry and their impact on all of us. Know that you are not drifting alone for we are all behind you even in our prayers of goodwill. Excellent...:).......

Posted 2 Years Ago


Hi you glorious magnifique artist of words, your poems are like tattoos I would consider getting on my skin. Permanent, beautiful and an outlet of your ever flowing creativity. Your message in a bottle was received and your poetry might have just saved a man cast away. I have hope, you words my Wilson.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Yes, the imagery creates a hopeless tone.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Fantastic imagery, this is just a beautiful poem :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


So why is love so difficult to find?

Posted 2 Years Ago


Wow . . .


( Please enter at least 25 characters. )

Posted 3 Years Ago


Your conclusion stuns me into silence, Frieda!

Posted 3 Years Ago


I am completely immersed...missed reading you hon, but your words are only a flick away when I grab time, precious piece ♥

Posted 3 Years Ago


I felt like was floating in the ocean as I read this piece. Your words carry a rhythm and take the reader into the waters of one's mind as they contemplate your poetry. :) Absolutely lovely work here, Frieda.

Posted 3 Years Ago


I know this place...been there too many times to count. Sigh...your lines are short and concise which adds to that feel of being alone and floating in that sea of indifference. No spare words are needed. Love this one hun...xo

Posted 3 Years Ago



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Added on September 27, 2014
Last Updated on September 27, 2014

Author

Frieda P
Frieda P

NJ



About
If you want to know me, read my poetry, it's all in there. I am a mother of three sons (my finest moments) a sister, a survivor and a little bit crazy. I lost my beloved sister to suicide, so you'll.. more..

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