Rise up Rise up!!!!

Rise up Rise up!!!!

A Poem by riddhi
"

A poem from the core of my heart

"
Time comes when you just cry and cry ,
At that time you should tell yourself to again and again try.
Every diamond was earlier a coal ,
Do not limit yourself to just one role.


Rise up, rise up whenever you fall ,
those who demoralize you, you have to show them all.


when everything you possess ,
life appears like a bed of roses.
you have everyone as your friend ,
and happiness becomes your trend.


But when you are enveloped by problems,
you understand that on this bed of life there are more thorns than petals.
fair - weather friends are discovered.
true friends are the one who always cared.

Every dusk is followed by a dawn ,
Every autumn is followed by a spring.
Thus every failure is followed by success.

Courage is not to be shown ,
when it is easy to show.
Brave is not the one who moves from light to light ,
but the one who moves from dark to light.

Rise up , Rise up whenever you fall
Those who demoralize you , you have to show them all !!!!!!!




© 2016 riddhi



Author's Note

riddhi
Kindly review my poem and tell me how you felt after you read it...

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Reviews

This poem has such a strong message, and many people in this world (including myself at times) need to take the advice it gives. In our darkest days, we must remember that there are better times ahead. This made me feel inspired and optimistic after I read it. It's good to know that someone such as yourself is out there trying to send out positive vibes. We need more of that.

If I may critique, I feel like the rhyming and flow could be improved by changing the lenght and/or wording of some lines.

The second line, for example, would flow better if it were worded as follows: "At that time, you should tell yourself to try."

Line six would flow better if you wrote "Those who hurt you -- show them all."

Those are just a few examples. If you wanted to improve the flow of this piece as a whole, I'd suggest making sure each rhyming line is almost the same length.

Also, I'd like to see you try unrhyming poetry ... I think it would fit with the strong, expressive, almost converational tone that I see in your poems.

Thank you for sharing your work.

- William Liston

Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

Thank you william and yes i will surely try unrhyming poetry also and thank you for spending your pr.. read more
Rise up , Rise up whenever you fall
Those who demoralize you , you have to show them all !!!!!!!
ending is really beautiful ..
i love reading it

Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

Thanks for your kind words....
How old are you? In 3 years times rewrite this poem, I want too see your growth of life so rewrite it not as is but write it with same ideal process, which your words will describe a different better understanding hopefully.

Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

I am 15 years old and definitely i will do as you said but when i will write this poem don't forget .. read more
hey ! it was really inspiring one ....

Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

Thank you....
I liked your overall theme of the poem. It remained strong throughout, your rhyming pattern was very Impressive! You had many moods In the poem, I really liked that.
And, hey, is it too much to ask if you could review my latest, most wildest piece, 'Letters to Rachel' And maybe review it? There'll be many more letters to come :)
Anyways, Thank you for sharing!

Regards with Infinite love.


Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

Thanks for spending your precious time in reading my poem...I will definitely try to review your wri.. read more
Put a comma between 'again' and 'try' in the 2nd line...

It'll help I swear.



Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

Thanks for reviewing...I will try to follow your advice....
Dead Alive Dave

1 Year Ago

"Do. Or do not. There is no try"
Yoda
You asked how the reader felt after reading, but there's a more important issue that needs to be addressed before that. At the moment, you're focused in making it rhyme, and forcing the line to the rhyme, without taking into account prosody, stressed syllables or the rest of the things that make structured poetry what it is. So instead of, as they say, flowing trippingly from the tongue, it stumbles a bit.

Take a look at the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon, for a really good introduction to the joys of creating structured poetry that sings.

And take a look at Robert W. Service's, The Cremation of Sam McGee.You can find it online. Look at how the structure and word choice works to create a booming beat, and background fee[ that adds to the drama. That poem was written over 100 years ago, and even today has the power to get the reader keeping time by tapping their feet as if to song.

Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

Thanks for spending your precious time in reviewing my poem...I will definitely try to follow your s.. read more
I felt hopeful, light
its inspiring and raw, a wonderful message.

Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

Thank you for your kind words...
The title intrigued me cause Sixx Am has a new song called rise up... I think this is an inspiring poem for of some creatively wise verses...

Every diamond was earlier a coal ,
and

Courage is not to be shown ,
when it is easy to show.

are a couple of my favs...

One thought, should it be "Every winter is followed by a spring"
Just a thought.

Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

Thanks for your kind words...Yes , i will certainly try to make change and follow your suggestion of.. read more
''Every diamond was earlier a coal ,
Do not limit yourself to just one role.''--this is one of the best lines I've ever read.

I love the strong message your poem delivers. Its motivating and very optimistic. Keep up the good work.



Posted 1 Year Ago


riddhi

1 Year Ago

Thanks for your sweet words...

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Added on March 19, 2016
Last Updated on March 19, 2016

Author

riddhi
riddhi

India



About
I am a 15 year old girl who wants to serve humanity more..

Writing
Year 3016 Year 3016

A Poem by riddhi



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