Billy Sunday

fictional short inspired by someone i once knew....

                  

                                         Billy Sunday

 

 

            There was nothing Christ-like about him. His hair was frosted at the tips and cut short. He dressed impeccably, spending hours staring at himself in the mirror. He had a diamond earring in his right ear, perpetually manicured fingernails and he smelled like a basket of potpourri. Even standing behind the pulpit, as he was that Sunday morning, he couldn’t hide the subtle blend of conceit and despair that clung to his every word as he preached his sermon about the dangers of addiction. The congregation looked bored and sleepy, this wasn’t the first time they had heard this sermon in some shape or form.

            “…And the ten commandments of addiction are as follows…1. Your addiction is your lord and God who brought you to the house of slavery, and is a jealous god…2.  Thou shall not erect any false idols; you will worship only your addiction, your God… 3. Thou shall not blaspheme against your god, all blame lies elsewhere…4. The only holy day is the day you feed your addiction, on that day you shall not work unless it furthers the aims of your god…5. Do not honor your mother and father if they interfere with your addiction, turn your back on them…6. Thou shall kill for your God…7. Thou shall commit adultery and break all bonds of matrimony…8.Thou shall steal for your Lord and savior…9. Thou shall lie whenever it serves your gods purpose…10. Thou shall covet all things that will aid in the satisfaction of your god….”

            He stopped for a moment and lowered his head in thought. Then continued,

“... Now I have always been honest with you all about the hardships I have endured, about the pain and misery that has befallen me due to my own addictions, but I am here today standing before God, and all of you, a changed man. From the moment I opened my heart to Christ’s all embracing love, I felt strength unlike any I had ever known. And I am here to tell you all that with this love you too can change, you too can cast off the shackles of this horrible affliction and shine forth a new being in the almighty house of God…Amen!!”  There were very few “amen’s” returned from the congregation, but this never deterred William. In fact once he got started he ceased to hear anything else around him, only the words that fell from his mouth. He raised his arms and eyes towards heaven with a beatific grin built of cardboard. The sermon then came to an end in the usual manner and the Holy Trinity church slowly emptied its occupants into the streets of Baltimore.

            William walked home feeling exalted, like he always did after his sermons. He felt powerful, a master of his destiny. The birds sang for his personal delight, and the sun shone upon him while the rest of the world lay in darkness. But, as always, the feeling slowly dissipated as he approached his front door. He put the key in the lock, turned it, opened the door and entered his silent, empty home. The keys were tossed onto his desk as he sat down in front of his computer. Loneliness climbed from the soles of his shoes, prompting him to turn his PC on and navigate to his favorite chatroom. He signed on with his screen name “billysunday”.

billysunday: anyone looking for some innocent fun?

There was an immediate response.

harryhighway: I was wondering when you’d be back.

billysunday: you knew I couldn’t stay away.

harryhighway: so what would you like to talk about today?

billysunday: about how much I want to suck your big c**k…

harryhighway: we’ve been talking about that for so long, when are we going to meet again?

billysunday: I’ve been thinking the same thing all day, how about tonight?

harryhighway: sounds wonderful, how about at the Executive Inn on Pulaski Highway?

billysunday: what time?

harryhighway: how’s 8 o’clock sound?

billysunday: I’ll be there, don’t forget to bring the goodies.

harryhighway: oh there will be plenty to go around.

billysunday: I’ll see you there.

harryhighway: and I’ll be anxiously waiting.

            William signed off and hit the power button. Usually these sessions would last all night but he wasn’t in the mood for fantasy today, he wanted, he needed, the real thing. He went into the bathroom, stripped off his robes and stepped into the shower. He scrubbed his skin manically, somehow hoping he could wash the sin from his flesh, meanwhile his insides screamed at him. He placed his hands against the shower wall and lowered his head, letting the water run down the back of his neck, eyes shut tightly. The darkness and the light finally shook hands and he stepped from the shower feeling mildly refreshed.

            He arrived at the hotel at eight p.m. sharp. He knocked and waited for a minute before the door opened. Harry smiled at him and waved his arm towards the room, inviting him in.

“Well you are prompt, aren’t you?”

“Would you rather I made you wait?” William entered the room, took off his leather jacket and sat down on the bed.

“Well did you bring me something?”

“Of course, I told you I would didn’t I?” Harry reached into his pants pocket and removed a small baggie of crystal methamphetamine. William’s stomach turned and he felt the need to empty his bowels. He grabbed the bag and removed his belt from his pants. There was a spoon, cotton, and a hypodermic needle lying on the table, right beside a bible.

“Now why the f**k would you put that there?”

“Oh it was just a joke”

“Well it’s not funny so put it away”

Harry removed the bible and placed it back in the top drawer of the dresser.

            Twelve hours later William stumbled through the hotel room door shielding his eyes from the blinding sunlight. He felt a dark shame progress into a self-loathing that filled every breath. His hands shook as he tried to fit the key into the door lock of his car. Before he succeeded he heard a woman call out to him.

            “William? Is that you?”

            His heart seized in his chest. When he turned around he saw a fat elderly woman approaching him that he recognized from his congregation. He had spoken to her a few times but couldn’t even remember her name.

            “Uh, hi…..”

            “It’s so good to see you, what are you doing here?”

 

            “Well I could ask you the same question.”

            “Oh, well my house is being fumigated, those ants are just plum taking over the house. Are you ok? You’re looking a bit pale”, she reached out and touched his cheek.

            “Yes I’m fine. Think I’m coming down with something is all”, he tried to not look her directly in the eyes. He was visibly shaking, his hair was matted and disheveled and his shirt was half tucked in.

            “Are you sure you’re ok? You don’t look so good”

            William was beginning to get annoyed but knew he needed to hold his temper; this was a bad situation already.

            “ Yes I’m fine, well it was uh good to see you, miss uh, well god bless you, see you Sunday”, he stammered, inserted the key successfully into the lock, got into his car and started the engine.

            She stood there for a moment staring at him then turned and walked towards the hotel.

            “F**k. F**k. F**k. F**k. Fuuuuuuuuuuckkkkk!!!!”, he bashed his fist against the steering wheel, put the car in drive and sped away from the seeming disaster.                                    The following Sunday William was sitting in the confessional injecting methamphetamine into his arm while listening to the sins of his flock. The walls vibrated and closed in on his idiots grin. A layer of sweat covered every inch of his body, filling the inside of the booth with a terrible odor.

            “Forgive me father for I have sinned, I can’t stop watching pornography on the internet, God knows I’ve tried, I just can’t stop…”

            “Yesterday I imagined my wife was dead, and I was glad, I wanted to start over….”

            “I sold my body to get money for drugs...”

             “I slept with my husbands brother while he was in the hospital with our little girl…”

            The confessions all blurred together in Williams head, his response was usually inane and half coherent, until one particular person caught his attention.

            “I know who you really are.”

            “What?!!”

            “You think you can hide behind that mask but I know what you do and who you really are. The drugs, the sex, the pornography, the self-hatred, the hypocrisy, the sickness, the disease that you try to keep from the rest of the world, its all known to me…I KNOW you.”

            “Who are you? Wha…What do you want from me?” William’s voice shook, he was half out of his seat, straining to see through the partition, but he couldn’t make out a face.

            “I want you to see yourself as you really are, I want you to come forward and proclaim your true self to your followers so they can see just who it is they place their salvation in.”

            “You think I don’t see what I’ve become!! Who the f**k do you think you are!!”

            “I am your judge. I am your savior.”

            “F**k You! Only god can judge me!” William kicked the door open and stood before a wide-eyed group of confused churchgoers. He tore the curtain to the confessional open and found the booth empty.

            “What the f**k! What the f**k is going on? Who was just in here? Which one of you was it?”

            “There was no one in there, we came to see what was wrong when we heard you screaming”, it was the elderly woman from outside the hotel.

            “It was you wasn’t it?” he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. She tried to speak in her defense but was so frightened no words would come.

            “It wasn’t her, let her go you psycho!” a young man pulled William from the woman and pushed him away.

            William stumbled over to the pulpit, dropped to his knees before the depressing depiction of Christ upon the cross and tried to pray, but realized he could no longer find the words that would save him.