I Haven't Been True

It hurts deep inside ... I feel so lost ... Praying each day ... For one day I�ll be true

I haven't been true

To my heart in years

How sad is that

Simply little fact

 

I’ve been at your side

All this time

Faithful to you

Every single day

 

But as I realize this truth

It hurts deep inside 

Knowing I’ve sacrificed

The happiness within

 

I try to figure out

Who is to blame

Maybe me for this lie

Maybe you for making me lie

 

My heart wandered for so long

If this was happiness within

Until one day

My heart skipped a beat

 

It was then that I realized

This feeling within

Was merely settling

With what I was given

 

Its not fair to me

And its not fair to you

To be living this life

Completely a lie

 

I try to figure out

How I arrived to this point

To this life full of lies

To this loveless life

 

I realize its my fault

For letting it get

This far away

But I had my reasons

 

Powerful reasons

My family, not our family

My family

My little ones

 

The ones who

Give me strength

Because of them

I give all this another try

  

I want to be happy again

I want to smile within

I want to love again

I want to be true

  

I feel so lost

Living with this pain

Wishing it would

Simply go away

 

 Yet I’ll carry on

Just a little more

Praying each day

For peace within

 

I don’t know how long

I can continue this lie

I don’t know how long

I can carry on

 

But I do know one day

I will be happy again

For one day I’ll be true

To myself, to my heart

 

April 16, 2008

 

Reviews

[Imperfection]

This is tragic.
"Loveless lives"

It is hard to live without the one you love but living with someone you don't love is perhaps far more difficult.


Knowing I've sacrificed
The happiness within

We all have our reasons for the sacrifice but no matter how big those reasons are, you never stop thinking about what could have been had you been true to your heart.

It was then that I realized
This feeling within
Was merely settling
With what I was given

To settle with what we've been given, we kill our feelings, and the wishes of our heart�

So many people spend their entire lives this way. Knowing that they are living a lie and yet not being able to do anything about it.

Bitter reality.
Well expressed.

[Seriana]

"Knowing I've sacrificed
The happiness within"
I know EXACTLY how you feel. It is the most devastating thing ever, to feel you have deceived yourself so well, that the you who SHOULD be has gone and was replaced by someone else.
"Was merely settling
With what I was given"
And ^^^, that settling, when you realize you've done it, it's enough to take any remaining life out of you.
"But I do know one day
I will be happy again
For one day I'll be true
To myself, to my heart"
I feel you. This poem made my heart cry. How sad...I can totally relate. I hope you find your heart again, and you are true to it. *hugs*

[No One Important]

You deserve to be happy, and if your relationship is not providing that, it is essential you either addres it or move on. I know it can be hard out there to find what you are looking for, but better to look and look and never find then to settle on something less. I would rather be alone and looking for happiness than settle for what will become a time when we just go through the motions..but the poem is very well written and is engrossing and not at all depressing, hell, read some of my s**t and you will see depressing, lol...Great poem!!!

[robin]

I like how the length and variety of your dialogue with yourself shows me you consider the many facets of an issue. I came to the realisation that I could only stop this game and save my "little ones" by not telling lies. For if you think that even a small lie is acceptable, you open the door to eventually lying to yourself. Truth and deception are reflective acts. You portray it prosaically here with enough choice in your words it comes across as poetry. Well done!

[Emily B]

Big questions. Do I stay or do I go? So many can identify with these thoughts.

[Forest Green]

Loneliness becomes conscientious when suddenly introduced to emotional kinship. Hopefully, all the sadness will be at least diluted by a conviction that the ones we do love deserve our utmost sacrifice.

Very honest self-analysis, touching the very center of love and life.

Excellent.

Daniel

[larryb]

Nicely done..unless someone has been in your shoes they have know idea .....

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is beautifully sad and I loved the overall structure of this piece the most..
It's really very hard to have a living like this..
There is a supreme reality in this write, which I loved the most...
Yet, it is somehow very sad and painful but still it ends up with-

" But I do know one day
I will be happy again
For one day I'll be true
To myself, to my heart."-This is such a beautiful ending :)

Brilliant work ! :)

[Dawn Jones]

To be untrue to you is true sin.

Find happiness within yourself and you will rise above your beautiful yet overly abused heart and he will have no more control over you. *hugs*

Beautiful write darling.