A Poem by xlynne

In the craze our lips ignited

A fire fierce with rapture

She doth razed across thou and mine’s barest of skin

And flowed like steam through thou hands

As they grasped their tightest 

Fingers unable to gratify their need


Drawn helpless down into her hollow coals

We shun ourselves from the conservative world

And drown ourselves in heat and wild fascination

Addicted to the contact and solitude

We lay in the dark where eyes cannot pry

Where in each others grip the room offers sanctuary 

© 2010 xlynne

Author's Note

I don't know where to go from here. i need advice on where i should take this piece. i feel like it's too much like everything else out there and i want it to have character.

My Review

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Hot and steamy, yes like other writes. To make it your own, try using more imagery to make the reader see things in their own eye.

Posted 8 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

uuu =)
me likey!
itz so hot, and fresh, and classy :) you should definetly find a picture for it ,nothing porn , just hot.

Posted 8 Years Ago

iT IS DEFINTIELY not cliche. This is a piece all on its own. A gorgeous poem. Each line is a poem in and of itself. Passion and love can be "crazed," and I like how you put that fresh and original flair in that idea through your words. good job.

kena sungoddess dawn

Posted 8 Years Ago

There might be a little wordiness... or rather unevenness, but otherwise fantastic! I love the use of "addicted" which supports the concepts you already stated such as "grasped", "unable to gratify", helpless", "drown". It gives it a very strong uniformity and then blissfully draws to a close with the remedy of "sanctuary". Well done.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Wow! this poem has some great meaning within it! I like the descriptions you used of this heat igniting the mood of the poem, nice write!

Posted 8 Years Ago

Short to the point but felt. Nice write!

Posted 8 Years Ago

Firstly, this is a brilliant poem.

Some pointers i have notives, some lines seem way too long and seem jarring whilst reading them "We shun ourselves from the lackadaisical world" is the one that gave me the most problems.

Make the lines a more similer length and take away line 7's "and" i do not think you need it

Overwise a brilliant write.

Send me a couple of read requests.

Can You Hear The Silence? 22nd June 2010

Posted 8 Years Ago

This is powerfully spoken... the imagery of fire could surely be expanded into the life shared. Fire and light bring about that deepest sense of passions unleashed. So glad to see your writing again!

Posted 8 Years Ago

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8 Reviews
Added on May 15, 2010
Last Updated on August 26, 2010




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