Another Accident

One of my first poems so...it's not that good cuz I normally write stories and books. Tell me what you think.

I have fooled around all day;
I'm such a klutz.
My friends enjoy picking on me
And now I'm hurt for good.

I walked into an old mine,
Thinking it was safe.
I was discovering some old documents
When I tripped over a rotted piece of wood.

I hurtled torward the rocky surface
My hands whipped the air
And my eyes widened
I knew this was it.

I fell; scraping my hands and knees.
Rocks clung to my skin
And blood dampened my jeans.
I knew what was going to happen.

I rolled over and waited.
Dirt started to fall
And created puffs of smoke in the air.
I coughed, shoving some fallen rocks.

Everything started to shake,
Rumbling filled my brain,
And I pressed on my forehead.
I knew this was it.

I took a deep breathe of the filthy air
And rolled onto my side.
A gust of fresh air rushed past my body
And a soft voice bathed my ears.

The voice gave me hope
That I would live.
I opened my eyes and wiped the soot from my brow.
The first that I saw was the ceiling.

It was about to give way.
I stood and to my dismay
The ceiling began to collapse.
I took a lunge towards the entrance.

But it was over a hundred feet;
So I just stared into the distance.
Waiting...for my death.
But then there was another rush of wind,

And I raised my head again.
There was an illumiation of light
And a form was surrounded by it.
He motioned for me to follow him.

So I did, sprinting towards him.
I knew he was an angel;
Sent from God to spare my life.
If I could just make it everything would be different.

I would live my life
So much different.
I would start over and cover up my mistakes.
I was a liar and I was going to change that.

But would anyone believe me?
I pushed the thoughts behind me
And I ran after the flowing angel.
Who still stood there.

He was waiting for me;
Motioning for me to hurry.
Behind me I could hear everything,
Falling, collapsing.

I was so close!
But could I make it?
I ran with my heart beating with every move,
I thought I couldn't make it.

I was now five feet away,
And took a dive towards the angel.
I skidded across the rough ground.
The rocks tore at my skin.

I had made it out of the mine!
I stood up and looked up at the angel
Who stood in front of me.
He smiled tenderly and pointed at the mine.

It had completly collapsed,
Smoke everywhere.
I turned my head back to the angel,
And he was gone.

It was another accident.
But this time,
I will learn from it
I will live like there's no tomorrow.
 

Author's Note

Feel free to give me grammar tips....

Reviews

[Ben]

I didn't see any grammar mistakes. Great job!

[Scott Free]

I rather agree with Daniel. This doesn't really read like a poem that much. Poems wouldn't generally deal with a place of occupation like 'a mine'--I was a bit confused when you first used that. It deals too much with things you can see, when poems deal with things you can't--emotions, that kind of stuff.
Also, I was a little confused with the 'documents', it threw me off. I was thinking 'documents, in a mine? Huh?'
This was a good story, but I think it would work better as a short story than as a narrative poem.
Good luck!

~S

[Bull Dog]

Very Very Good!!!!!

[Daniel]

"clutz" is klutz.

That's the only grammar mistake I found.

And I really enjoyed this. :) I could see it all happening in front of me. However, I think this would be better suited as a short story than as a poem. But that's just my own opinion. :)

Either way, I liked it.