I love you

This is the poem I wrote for my partner to present on his birthday.

The physical changes when teen, had me confused too

Yet I had the answers to clear

The changes you brought to my heart

Took me long beyond the answers to feel and

Live thy pleasure of feminine

And To know that my heart

Had been trying to synchronize with yours

This lasting life of our love

Showed various transformations of me

I partnered myself with you in all the phases of it

All the necessities had you in them

Like an earth-old inseparable treaty

With a validity of forever existed between us

You gave the privilege of being a mother

By becoming my child

Where I would fall on knees for you widen your lovely eyes

I always keep you close to my heart

Yet quite far so the beats don’t disturb your innocent sleep

Yes that’s where you live close to my heart

In the day, I let you in

To play in the love garden I made for you

You are the prince of my heart

You rule my heart with love

Though thrice I gave the weapon to break it

You chose to love and destroyed the weapon I gave

And healed me with love

I also had the boon to be a child again

Where you became my world

And I run merrily in all your ways

You put pillows on the way to unhurt

And came to cuddle when I fell

Your anger characterized with love,

I fear, just as a streak of lightning

Grows fast and brightens, but short lives

Your conscious rains after the lightning

As you apologize, showers the world with loveticide

And I apologize for seeking the ways you told not to

Your anger, after all, leads to love rains

I would love to spend this stretch of forever with you

Composed of short and long hours

Hours too short as a wink of an eye when with you

And hours of infinite seconds when away from you

All the days let me wake up as you snuggle into ma warmth

All the nights let me fall asleep inside the counterpane of your arms

I would strive for a second or more at the verge of death,

To rest forever in the shade of your blurred silhouette

I had infinite love always and will,

Your love I cherish and your happy tears I earn

Yet are the bad days,

The days marked by seeing you sad

And the worst days marked by me reasoning them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Loveticide here I mean "love+infecticide" . I describe it as something made of love that helps things grow and kills whatever stops them from growing.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked how you used the your thoughts and emotions.
"I would love to spend this stretch of forever with you
Composed of short and long hours
Hours too short as a wink of an eye when with you
And hours of infinite seconds when away from you"
The above lines. You said in a special way how love can be. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[underneathme]

Thanks a lot for investing your time and accepting my request :) I'm new to this.It means a lot to me when some veteran like you to be kind enough to do a review :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A worthwhile poem and you are welcome.

[underneathme]

Thanks again :)

[L Williams]

A good poem expressing love for another. Some suggestions for you to consider:

Poems will read smoother and flow more without the articles (a, an, the).

The fifth line has a one space indent.

In several lines you have the typo "ma" instead of "me" or "my." (Don't forget "my" shows ownership.) [And To know that (omit "ma") (my) heart]

The 12th line would read better without "there been" and I would omit those words.

The 16th line has the typo "in" for "on."

In some lines you have used "I" and it should read "me." (All the days let I wake up as you snuggle into ma warmth) (All the nights let I fall asleep inside the counterpane of your arms)
All the day let me wake up....
All the nights let me fall asleep....

I wasn't sure what you meant with the word loveticide.

In poems, the less words you use that convey your meaning the better the poem will read.

Overall, this is a good poem and shows emotion well. I think it a thoughtful gift for a loved one's birthday. I enjoyed reading it.

[underneathme]

Thank you so much for responding to my read request :) I never aimed to write a good poem when I wrote this. I wrote just as words flowed. Thank you so much for such a keen review and spending time for it.I will make the changes you pointed to :) thank you so much :)

[Christian Bonoan]

This is a long write, but it's just enough to tell the story of this poem. For me it's kind of sexual in a way it's not that sexual. It's a good write, I love this poem.

[underneathme]

Thanks a lot for your review :) yeah its quite long and thanks a lot for spending your time to read it though :)