Recording The Present Mind

I personally think this is one of my best writings.

 

 

            I casually lay in bed, typing away on my laptop, my cat passed out on my right leg. Music softly playing threw the small speakers, a language I do not know well. Typing the story I type now, hungry from loss of eating the disgusting food at school. I am not alone here, my friends with me all the time, stuck to my wall, flat and immobile. Nothing important happens in the life that is too safe. Yes, that is my life, I am too safe. I hide in the corners of my mind, wishing to have a daring adventure someday. Of course I don’t risk it, for all I know I only have one life so instead I imagine it happening, the daring second self that is forever trapped in my mind, only coming out when I least expect it.

            My eyelids lowering secretly and unnoticeably, I do not realize how dark everything is getting. I think of what else to write and get up. I take the chocolate that lies on the counter in front of a large mirror. I waste no time in eating the whole bar, British Chocolate is what I call it, never remembering what it’s really called. Of coarse this is the brave me for the real me sits here. I shall call her Rin as I always do.

Rin wonders how to write the rest of this story, her stomach slightly upset from eating all the chocolate. Her cat now leaves the door; she locks it behind her for the door is so old it can’t close by itself. Wind beats down on the window, whistling threw the cracks and making the curtains come to life. Rin slowly heads to her bathroom, which is on the other side of her small bedroom. She closes the door, the door is brown. So old this door, scratches can easily be spotted on the side of it. I assume it was a dog or some other type of large animal. This door is so old, if it had eyes I wonder what it has seen what it has heard. The house itself is almost older then one hundred.

Rin opens the door; the sound of the toilet working can be heard. She slowly sits on the bed and lies down. She begins to wonder what would happen if- waw I sound crazy when I make it seem as if there is more then one me. Rin now is up and outside, she is now apart of my dream instead of what I just did before I came back on here. Yes, I was only explaining what I did when I was just getting on here. Now I am in a deep sleep. I hope this makes sense, it does to me but it IS just my mind.

Rin slowly walks down the large field, trees covering every corner. So quiet and dark, a light shade of blue covering everything. She slowly walks on until she finds herself standing in a dark town, the roads made of large flat rocks, the buildings wooden. The sound of screams can be heard in the background. The sky, a shade of purple lines randomly floats above her head. Looking down she notices a frightened and dirt-smeared girl silently calling to her. Rin crouched down; realizing she may be in danger and quickly but quietly went to the girl. Rin’s brown hair covered half her face as she now bent down close to the terrified girl who was crouched in a large hole in a building. “Please, hide in here or he’ll find us all,”

I looked behind her and realized there were several other people behind her, all smothered in dirt. Shocked, I realize that I am no longer Rin, but the real me. I can feel the cold of the air, the smell of a sewer, and the sounds of muffled gasps of breath. Who is typing the rest of this story? Or have I stopped and now lay in my bed? Hiss! Comes the sound behind me, I snap my eyes toward the sound and see a strange figure in front of me. Screams are all around me as the white haired, pale, tall, and slender man approaches. “Run!” screams the frightened girl as she follows everyone else deeper into the hole. I am too stunned as I stare at the man who swiftly comes closer; his movement graceful even crouched in this dirty hole.

Placing my hands on the wet floor I brace myself not intending to run. He is now close enough that his breath slightly moves my hair. His eyes a deep red, his lips painted black. He easily could be mistaken as a stereotypical goth or a man dressed for Halloween. Staring… staring nothing but staring. I look away after so long, his breath still moving my hair. Swiftly he grabs my neck squeezing it to the point I choke. I grab his hands; the sound of dripping water can be heard under my shortened breath. I struggle unsuccessfully; he easily pulls me out of the hole.

Still being held by this very tall and intimidating man he pushes me to the floor. He crouches slightly resembling a wild cat. I stand in the exact spot I can remember appearing in this strange place. Blink. Oh, now I am typing again. Dizziness fills Rin as she gets up from her laptop and opens her old door. Shocked Rin is now watching me pinned to a wall, being choked by this man, my feet unable to touch the ground. His skin very tight and fresh even in its fair state, his body built attractively. He has large shoulders, large hands, small waist, and thick thighs. Rin watches as he leans in, he screams. I am filled with shock- who is typing this if Rin and I are in here? He suddenly stops screaming and notices Rin, she is angry. She swiftly lunges her small body at the man, he releases me… I am typing. I sit typing in my warm bed, my head dizzy, and the laptop slightly swaying only it really isn’t.

            Rin now stands before the hole again, the same time as when she first began. She is now as confused as I am. “What’s going on?” Rin asks me. I of course can’t answer, for I do not exist in her world, I am God in her world. The frightened girl calls to Rin once again, this time Rin turns around and runs. The buildings slowly begin to be less tight, smaller and there is a little green peeking out. Her feet slap the flat rocks the quicker she runs. She stops from loss of oxygen, hands on knees, head heaving as she takes in heaps of air. Slowly she walks on, the darkness engulfing even more. The same white haired man now stands before her. He is in the end of the place; nature can easily be seen behind him.

She stares slightly shocked. I lift my hand and realize yet again I am not typing. I look up, he is only two inches from my face, and he is bending to have his red eyes leveled with mine. Shock fills me as I try to back up, too slow. His hand grips at my neck once more, he is smiling. The dizziness returns and now I am back in my room. “What?” I ask to myself. I look to my left and see Rin she is dying in this man’s grasp. I try to get up and help her but can’t. She is in my mind, I can’t jump into it. If I leave the typing then she will surly die.

Type Rin, you did it before! You saved me when I became stuck save yourself! Rin looks at me, her eyes red. “Rin?” Blink. Who is typing? It isn’t me! I am in here! I stare at the man, Rin now dead. Rin was my imagination! How am I the imagination now! Whose fingers now beat on the keyboard? You killed her! Why? Who are you?! I do not know you, who is this? The person typing is the person typing, nothing more. I am the physical state of your mind. I am typing through you, yes I am not Rin and you have not replaced her. She is the imagination of your mind, but you are the imagination of mine. She has her own as well, but only you can know who she is. To put it simply I am you. I stare at the man, he is the one saying it but yet I can tell that it is me controlling him. All this time I thought I was real, only to find out that I am controlled by the supposedly real me. “How do you know you aren’t an imagination too?” I don’t, but I control what I do. Or at least… I believe I control what I do. This world is an imagination as well.

Rin now stands beside me; her hand is touching my shoulder. Strange, it’s like she is my twin or something. “Was I really writing this story?” I ask. I can now see myself on the bed typing these very words. Yes, in my mind. Like a mirror of the reality that I live in. You live in reality too, but the name that is mine is not yours and I create the reality. I blink tired, I have typed what the real me has typed. “What is my name?” Your name is mind, because that’s what you are. You are my mind, you are me and I am you. Rin is a creation we both created together. I created you only your are the… how do I say this… you are the symbol of my mind not entirely my mind but the idea of my mind. I blink understanding what reality is saying, yet confused at the same time. “Together we are I; together we make me, not ME but the me. The me that I know of,” I say scratching an itch on my forehead. Yes, Rin is the created me and you and I are the me. The thing that makes me me. I stop typing, my physical me completing the rest of this so the reader knows what happened. I went to sleep, with the physical me following, together we joined with Rin. I am me.

 

Reviews

[Joseph - Michael]

Don't be sorry if no one can't understand. Only be happy what you've written down and you should stay that way. I'll admit that at first I did get a bit confused, but I had to read again to make sure that I'm not missing anything out and making sure that I don't misread as well. All I can say is that your piece is fine, so there's nothing to worry about so far. There are small things that need to be adjusted, but no worries at all

On the other hand, it's all still good...

[Jennifer Ryan]

I thought this was fine. The only thing I saw was when you wrote threw the speakers. That is incorrect. It should be through. Other than that I think you did just fine. An introspective and extrospective.

[Jamie Fantasy]

I really love the beginning of this story about how you live a safe life and have a brave version of yourself that only comes out in your writing. That is exactly how I feel though I've never thought of it that way. Great observation!

[Gary H]

I really enjoyed this. I don't think I could make much sense in a critique of the story, thats not to say I couldn't follow it but as I was reading through the work started to have a life of it's own. I've looked back for parts that I can't seem to find any longer!
Creating a different persona is certainly interesting in the way you have written this. Totally original and works well. The problem comes in seeking readers for something original......

[Brandon M. Whittaker]

Conflict, I like it, lots and lots of conflict. I love the concept of being trapped in the mind and words becoming reality (if not slight reality). Very well written!

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This was a very enjoyable read- nice work.

If I were you I would trust my audience just a bit more and get rid of those sentences that are there to help us get it. You might have a reader or too who misses the context but their still going get the action. There are parts of this that really come alive, but I loose a little when you weaken your expression by stepping back and qualifying your work. Its good on its own! Keep it up.

[Nana Carmine]

Wow. I really like it. There are a few errors with spelling here and there but you did a great job all and all. Thank you for sharing it with us

~Nana Carmine

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WOW!! I am impressed. I only noticed a couple spelling errors but it was good. I like the switches. It is unique! I think this is very good!