Chapter 4

Chapter 4

“We can never go back, Duncan. We can never go back home.”

 

I wrapped Matt in my arms to ease the wild blow of the sandy wind. “I know, buddy. I know.”

 

These were the first words my brother had said to me out here, in the middle of the burning desert. We were under a roof made purely of cloth and once again battling the elements to survive. Despite being several years younger than me when we were abandoned here and left to fend for ourselves I had noticed an unexpected, growing confidence in him.

 

That first day we found ourselves surrounded by miles upon miles of sand, a psychological nightmare had begun; one which would continue to haunt me for the rest of my life.

             

We grew up out here, the two of us; our best friend becoming a water hole we started calling “The Atlantic.” We would walk to the Atlantic and replenish our flattened, thirsty tummies with its cold water. Matt remained strong through it all, and he kept me going, times I felt my life was bound by darkness and bent by misfortune.

 

A small wide and bright green tree stood beside our Atlantic and I would often rest against its cushioned bark, feeling the leaves tickle my back as I listened to the Atlantic’s silent song. I understood, during those moments what silence truly sounded like; a silence never before felt across the vast expanse of Earth.

 

I wished I could be sitting by the deep blue sea instead, hearing its roar. I wished I could feel the pleasure of walking a pathless wood, I wished I could go where no one intruded and no one was disturbed. I wished for change; for the concept of life to be lit up like a beacon so I could discover why we were really here…

 

It was evening, and I found myself gazing deep into the dark sky, ever so lightly tinted by the last light of day. The Atlantic remained silent; the serene water now sharing the colour of the sky - black and misty. I felt myself personified as a part of this nature, yet opposite to it as well - personified by the actions of myself, and of all humanity. The night finally beckoned me to sleep, and my predicament was forgotten, if only for that while.

 

“Helloo, sir.”

 

“What? Who -” I opened my eyes, seeing two small confusing creatures standing over me; their metal, human-like faces displaying no emotion. They looked like robots, but where they hailed from, I couldn’t possibly imagine.

 

“It is absolutely fantastic to finally come across a life form in this hazardous land,” I heard one of them say. “I call myself Scuttle, and this is my companion, Skim.”

 

I stared blankly into its face, my eyes blurred by the early morning, the sun barely peaking over the dusty mountains.

 

“Well, nice to meet you, guys, but I’m afraid I can’t be of much help to you. I’m just out here awaiting Death. Whenever Death decides to take me, I’ll be here, near the Atlantic. I won’t give a crap.”

“Wait, sir! You mean to say... this is the Atlantic?” The robot thing quickly stared at the other one. “We’ve found it Skim! Perhaps Earth isn’t as large as we’d presumed. The Atlantic looks much larger from up there.”

 

A screeching buzz echoed in my head and ricocheted down my body as if I was a deep dark chasm, echoing. I glanced up at the sky where a few stars were still visibly twinkling. Could Scuttle and Skim have come from one of those trillions of stars stretching to the ends of the universe?

 

I focused on the robots next, eyeing them from top to bottom. Scuttle looked creamy, like a piece of off-white paper, a blue light glowing from his sides. Skim was taller, the colour of a bronze medal, although a slightly lighter shade.

 

“Well, lads... I guess you’d better come with me. I can’t provide much, but you are welcome to stay with me and my brother for a little while…” I paused as the two robots stared at me unblinking. 

“And guys, this isn’t the real Atlantic Ocean; it’s just a name we gave this water hole. But you can imagine that it is though, I guess. You can imagine this is a bigger part of the world; with a grander purpose; with a location visible from the stars watching over us each night…”  

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

It feels like you need some more connecting threads as you work through. The overall ideas are good, but require some tweaking. My comments would be similar to my last ones with regard to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Also, clash amongst the elements doesn't have a clear meaning. I assume the character is trying to protect from the wind, rather than penetrate it -- penetrate the wind is kind of poetic, but not really suited to the story.

[Stars and Whales]

Ok, thanks man for the reviews! This helps me out a lot! I don't believe there were any spelling issues, but if you could point them out individually that would be great! Anyway, I appreciate it buddy

[MightyMouse]

I notice you used the names Scuttle and Skim... You used them previously in another story. Does this mean the stories will tie together eventually, or do you just like the names???

[Stars and Whales]

They'll tie together. I have an idea to work with this summer.

[MightyMouse]

Summers are good times to work on things since you don't have to do anything.

[Stars and Whales]

Yup! Definitely

[Anon]

I like the word choice, but as KLGoode said just find more connecting threads.

[Jerryyoung1z]

This is well penned, I love the 5th and 6th paragraph more, they are really poetic. I've not read the other chapters, but that's what I'm about to do. Thumbs up, your description is superb

[Nick Tuskan]

I decided to read all 4 chapters so that I would have a better understanding of the story. I must say, I am a little confused, as this chapter seems to be unrelated to the first three chapters. But nonetheless, I did enjoy reading through them. I find the premise of the book to be a very interesting one, and one that has unlimited possibilities for story. The one thing I found a little off was some of the grammar, but it was never enough to make it unreadable. If you would ever like someone to proofread and edit your writing, I would be more than happy to. Overall, you have begun a very interesting story and I will definitely stick around to see where it goes!

[Stars and Whales]

Thanks Nick! Well, that would be unbelievably helpful if you could give me an edit, and I would definitely owe you one! If you have time...

Anyway, let me know if you ever need anything and thanks again for the review!

[Nick Tuskan]

I'd be very happy to! If you do want me to just send me a private message again. I'm almost always available!

[Jacob Clifford]

Huh. This was the first proper chapter so far. The chapter feels kind of muddled and unfocused throughout, but much better than the first three chapters. Some tweaking is necessary, but not a bad chapter.

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you :) I will edit them

[M. L. F.]

I love what I see thus far. I need to read the previous chapters first in order to catch the flow and see where the big picture is going. But there is something a bit poetic and stunning in your style. I find writer's who bother trying to take their readers into their worlds, truly TAKE them there, are a dying breed.... You are doing a great job so far, in keeping another one of those writers from extinction. ;) I really like your style.

[Stars and Whales]

Thank you so much! I am so glad you think so!

[Bear]

Critique: (The sun had barely peaked above) peeked

Review: Ok this fits with the stories first two chapters and strengthens the storyline. The new characters add dimension and plot line possibilities you can build on if you desire to add subterfuge. Still intriguing enough to keep me reading :~)

[wordman]

great story,sounds like a chapter from real life excluding the robots
a small water hole you call the atlantic,and one small tree for refuge from the sun
almost an oasis i guess