The Mask

I guess you can just tell what it's about but I'll just say one word. "relationships".

Our relationship resembles a mask.

It was fun to wear around for a while,

It had so many colors; all so bright.

But we both know that you can’t wear it forever.

You eventually have to take it off.

And show all the darkness that lies behind.

 

Text messages were nice but you hid behind

Then as if to cover my face with a mask.

Was I that ugly to you? Can I take this off?

We talk forever it seems then for a while

You shut me out and those weeks feel like forever

Then you decide to come back and my day is bright.

 

We talk of going to Europe and watching the bright

Lights twinkling along with the stars behind

It, sitting out on that hotel balcony forever,

And shopping for souvenirs, maybe buying a mask

And wearing it with the dress I just bought for a while

But I don’t want to hide; can I just leave it off?

 

Those fantasies are nice, but reality is off

And on its way, not stopping, and planning our bright

Futures that are soon coming up, keeping us apart for a while

I’m off to college, you to the marines, leaving each other behind.

I don’t know what will become of us, but there is always that mask

That will tie us together forever.

 

But what will you do when you have to leave forever

And come back with another girl. What if she’s off

Somewhere else for a while. Will you just give me that mask

Again? Will we go back to our old ways? Our lives so bright?

She will eventually come back, and you will leave me behind

Like you always do. Just me and that mask for a while.

 

This is all too real and sometimes for a while

I feel like you love me more than you say you do, forever

It seems. You always choose her over me and leave me behind

And you always come back to you me when she is off

Somewhere, making her like better and bright

But then she comes back, and you hide me with the mask.

 

I can’t do this anymore. I’m taking it off.

I love you too much to have to use something so bright

The one thing that ties us together? I’m throwing away the mask.

 

Author's Note

does it make sense to you at all because i sort of babble through this. I really didn't know how to get my point across.

Reviews

[RachelReaper]

It did make sense, and I think the amount of uncertainty you put in the poem was just enough to really drive your point to where it needed to go. Does it babble? I think that's the point, because your protagonist has mixed feelings inside and the amount of words you put in the poem doesn't really feel like rambling, it feels like she is assessing her situation.

[Sami Khalil]

Can we make it into a movie?
Thanks for sharing.

[Coyote Poetry]

A mask is wore by many. Good to hide real emotion and feelings sometimes. There come a point where two people must show who they are. The masks must be took off and hope for the best. I like the flow of thoughts and the very good ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Lydia]

That was...wow. I love the description and I don't think it sounds babbly or rambly.

[Talismanic]

I think what you might be calling 'babbling' only adds to the personal reality or tone of uncertainty. Run-on-sentences really feel like racing thoughts and don't have to make sense right away or all at once to be powerful. The reptition brings us back to the motif or focus - and its a good image, it speaks for itself. If you're concerned you were taking off on unrelated tangents bcoz you've run out of energy, i didn't get that impression in the slightest. My favourite stanza is actually the 3rd - when I started to read this more as a conversation than a reflection or monologue.
Thnxs for posting :)

[Kimberly "Melody" Carne..]

ok I see were you are going, and yes i never think someone babbles when they write...they drift. So this is what I would do if it were me. I would take each sec. and read it outloud and maybe twice back to myself. Now think of how you could creativly flow the dicription of what you are saying as to paint a picture enableing the reader to see your words come alive. Do that for each part. This is my advice. You may get much better advice as that would be the point of this group. A very good right.