water substitute

i don’t step into the bath
the water hot as sin
the literal scorch filling the bones that make me up
that, without this day,
would have cracked and hollowed out
from the ache and cold
no
the heat
the cold so cold it’s hot
of and from being alone
but my legs are filling up with the red
the pink
and the thick white that fills your head with clouds
and i feel as though i could catch fire and still be alright
i could still breathe
underwater
under fire
but it’s filling
it’s rising
it’s as if the dark parts of me are being boiled
and it’s heaven
it’s blushing skin
it’s igneous release and it’s white
it’s white.
i would have thought it would be numb
like a bitter evergreen fever
but it’s everything
and it’s everything i needed to feel
my arms are the reddest they’ve been
and it’s surreal.