Before I Go

Now I lay me down to sleep

Do I want the Lord my soul to keep,

If I die before I wake

Do I want the Lord my soul to take,

The questions of the mind

Do you continue traveling in time,

Or do you remain beneath the ground

And wait for the trumpets to sound,

Do we all rise

At exactly the same time,

Just a few things I would like to know

Before I go.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

First, I want to start by saying that you have raised some very poignant questions in this piece. I too have thought these very things sames; where do we go, when will it happen, what is this all for? So, for the concept, I give you an A+.

Technically, I think the flow was pretty good up until the line "Do we all rise", because after that your rhyme scheme was broken with the next line--I would suggest fixing that up a little, and also looking at making that line and the last line slightly longer in terms of syllabic beat. I think this will fix up your flow issues.

[OBWhiteHawk]

We all wonder what happens when we die, but the sad part is we will never know until we do die. We can hope to have peace and feel comforted that this is not all there is, this particular lifetime.

[Tarry Franck]

So very true my friend

[TPK Stories]

What a new take on a children's nursery rhyme. Some good questions to ask

[Tarry Franck]

I couldn't agree more :) thank you

[Frieda P]

Questions with no answers, it seems to be one that most people think about, you spun this one with your own style Tarry, much food for thought here.

[Tarry Franck]

Thank you my dear friend

[quinfinn]

we aren't allowed these answers until after we go....but i have been to the other side...twice...brought back from death by modern medicine....whatever is beyond this world is far more beautiful than the one we now inhabit....excellent write here , tarry....stick around for the encore, you are loved.

[Tarry Franck]

Thank you so much Quin

[Lover Of Words]

This is beyond amazing my dear aunt spectacular use of words... And a poem that hold alot of meaning... Great job

[Tarry Franck]

Thank you so much

[Lover Of Words]

My pleasure

[Coyote Poetry]

Some questions will not be answered till we reach the last door. I like the use of the prayer. One I read a great poem. "I saw God in the sky today. In the wings of the free birds. In the flowing of the great river. I did see God today." I like the desire of the poem. I ask the same questions daily. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Tarry Franck]

Thank you for reviewing

[KeelyJane]

On a technical note I think the lines could be reworked to make them flow a little better. The rhyme scheme isn't consistent thought out the piece so it made it a little awkward for me to read. I think questions you raise in this piece are universal which is good but I don't think you took it deep enough. Common thoughts and questions are just that, common, unless you find a way to personalize it and deliver new perspective. Relate and at the same time enlighten. Thank you for sharing.

[Tarry Franck]

Thank you for reviewing