After Their Main Quest

My group and I would play D&D from time-to-time, and I decided to write about some of our hero's continued story-lines. It is rather jokey and this is meant to make people laugh. Enjoy~

It has been several years since our "heroes" completed their epic, thrill-filled, quest. Jeremiah and his fellow adventurers would chat from time-to-time, but their lives had become practically drivel. Well, maybe not Mrs./Mr. Saniem's life, but we will get to that later... Now, let us pay mind to the boring life of one of the truly favored "heroes," the Dungeon Master!

The cold, lonesome, rock that he told tales of so-called "wonder" under had become an exuberant amusement park of sorts. He hung tattered maps and worn armor along the walls of his cave; shelves with assorted knick-knacks laced the main room like, well, lace. Every morning at nine, the DM opened up his house to tourists (for the not-so-cheap price of twenty-five gold coins), and gave quote-on-quote "exquisite" vocal tours (for only six gold more) throughout the day. Although his tours are honestly rather pathetic, imbeciles-- I mean curious tourists-- would waste their riches on this nonsense as if it was candy or some sugary wenches. You "highly intelligent" readers are (presumingly) questioning my judgement on the Dungeon Master's life being boring, but if you lived practically the same day over and over again; you'd probably kill yourself after the second month.

Speaking of suicide, Abelind and her conscience had gone on a long trek through hell and oblivion just because of a hallucinogenic nightmare. She/They had almost "accidently" killed her/themselves during a rather gruesome wedding, ironically dubbed the Crimson Wedding. They had known about the upcoming blood-bath (assassins keep in touch with one-another), but they still went to endure the trauma. Sadly for them, being a half demon psychopath makes dying rather difficult. Well, that, and the fact that they always get questionably great dice rolls. Most people would grow suspicious of their constant bad ideas, but their constant rubbish ideas level out the playing arena.

*Now readers, I must warn you about our next life view for it is.. Odd.. To say the least* Hasselhoff was always very special, so to speak. He would vanish a lot and, occasionally, eat babies (but who doesn't nowadays? You're all freaks). He was never the best hero, but hell, he was the most reasonable. I mean, his name is Dave Hasselhoff; how can a strong, smart, hunk, like him not be reasonable? He was able to reason his way into anyone's bed, and I like to think that the babies were screaming agonizingly in joy because they are having their lives taken away by him. Dave and his slave buddy, Nikkk, were like the kings of reason and unnecessary murder.

Whilst on the topic of the triple "K"ed man, let us talk about him. He is still an imbecile. The end. Woo! What a simple thing that was; I hardly feel exhausted. 

Now, let's reminisce on our last hero (and the hottest/best/most perfect hero), Jeremiah! "What do you mean?" "We still have Fish, Narrator.. You need to talk about him.." "Really..? You aren't joking?" "Just do it.. Jeez." OKAY! Well readers, there has a been a slight change in plans. Fish is up next (kill me...)! Fish is a spectacular guy who fights. "Done. You happy?" " Keep going if you want to get paid." Fish lives his life, funnily enough, by the ocean. He has a nice family with two kids, and a sexy wife. He is a mercenary. That's it really. He is boring; that's why I didn't want to do him. "Just finish up then. You are doing great." "Whatever."

Okay Jeremiah. He became king and was THE BEST KING EVER. He helped solve all the problems. Plus he is SUPER hot. Overall, his life is the best of all these pathetic so-called "heroes." He is like all the teen girls star crush.

Well.. I guess it's time for me to leave you all. I have other characters to narrate. How the hell else am I to make a living? I hope you lovely readers enjoyed this journey through these weirdos lives. Thanks for coming by. Toodles. Get lost now.. Jeez.. What? You're still here? Just go. Don't you people have live? "Who are you talking to, Alex?" "Huh? Oh.. The readers.. They kept reading my ramblings." "Oh. Well just stop talking then." "But what if they want a good ending?" "Like you'd give them one." "True, true." Well.. My next job  starts now.. So scatter. Farewell and all that stuff. "Just stop dude" "Fine."  

Reviews

[Laura Almeida]

Great Story man!
As a DD fan I think this was very cool.

[Alexandra Hounschell]

Thank you!