The Girl Who Turned To Stone

The Girl Who Turned To Stone

A Poem by Lee Bakes
"

What she wants you to know

"

She was a pool: placid, pristine.

Rippling at the very kiss of a breeze;

And during a storm, gusty and strong,

As passionate as Miss Simone’s Songs.

She took to Woolf, Pamuk and Camus

Captive in a torrid rendezvous

Life was her debut and Poetry her ball,

Till her untimely curtain call.


Now she is a stone: sterile, square

She dislikes flowers in her hair,

She dies eight hours a day,

Four hours she travels her weary way.

Working a job at a big stone cage

Swallowed alive by a corporate macrophage.

Records and films, lay dead, dusty, idle,

A pool turned to stone mid ripple.


© 2016 Lee Bakes



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Featured Review

I really like this! Particularly its clear yet subtle message and the last 4 lines. I actually really like how the last line isn't a perfectly fitted endcap to sell the piece. I think it lends to the importance of (and longing for) artistic and emotional freedom. No need to fit the lines in a "stone cage" ha ha! Well done ☺

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

Haha! yes sometimes you just want to make stuff work because theyre what get the job done the best w.. read more



Reviews

"she dislikes flowers in her hair" feel very personal and gives dimension to your character. I'm attracted to the diverse cultural references and the opening alliteration. Great piece.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

Thanks so much mayjbird! appreciate it!!
Wow. This poem has a strong emotional impact, and the imagery is almost too vivid. I could feel each word. Also, you had an excellent transition from the first stanza to the second. Great job.

-William Liston

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot for your time and feedback William :) Im so glad you liked it.
I really like this! Particularly its clear yet subtle message and the last 4 lines. I actually really like how the last line isn't a perfectly fitted endcap to sell the piece. I think it lends to the importance of (and longing for) artistic and emotional freedom. No need to fit the lines in a "stone cage" ha ha! Well done ☺

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

Haha! yes sometimes you just want to make stuff work because theyre what get the job done the best w.. read more
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mou
"Working a job at a big stone cage
Swallowed alive by a corporate macrophage."
Wonderful!
Your words are quite strong and hit the thought vibrantly.
Thanks for sharing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

So glad you feel that way moo! Thanks for reading :)
I love this!! Your meaning/intent is clear but subtle. I interpreted this as a commentary on the modern economy, and how being forced to work long, meaningless hours has sapped people of potential and spirit. I found the third and fourth lines a little awkward, I didn't think the adjectives gusty and strong worked very well rhythmically. The last line is lovely

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

Thanks so much for the honest review. :)
I am particular about the poems I like in that they have to keep my interest and flow well for me to fully enjoy them, and I have to say that yours did both for me! The alliteration and imagery via the use of descriptive adjectives and verbs gave this poem so much vividness, personality, and movement. It was also a happy surprise to find that this would be a rhyming poem because so many poems like this end up being more free verse (in my experience, at least), which I am not as drawn to.

I particularly enjoyed the last lines of each stanza - the wordplay, imagery, and emotions behind those lines made me go, "ooh NICE" and give mental nods of approval haha XD

The only criticisms I have are that some of the lines sound a little awkward in the syllabic flow (the first noticeable instance for me was going from the second to third line in the second stanza) and the last words in the last two lines don't *quite* rhyme to me (idle and ripple). If you weren't looking for criticisms though, then just focus on the first two paragraphs lauding your poem LOL.



Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

Kristollini!
Thank you soo much for your review and words of encouragement! Im so happy that .. read more
Yes, a corporate job can do that to you. Very well written, Sir. Very clever that Lee Bakes and writes too! I have just published my first book, a cookbook!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

Pork or chicken, either way vindaloo is really one of the best curries! I agree :) I usually experim.. read more
Roland Petrov

1 Year Ago

So where do you come from? I'm really good with geography, so don't spare me! My favorite vindaloos .. read more
Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

We must catch up about this recipe! now that I suggested your making it (and hence it will be the ch.. read more
Dear Lee,
first of all i wanted to thank you for "subscribing" to these pieces i've posted on here. it is excellent, for me, to be entering into a communication exchange with someone as talented as you are. which brings me to my second point...this poem, of yours, is phenomenal. i love the alliterations, the flow, and the imagery. your references to the intertextual musings of others lands spot-on to me. and your use of macrophage is outstanding. your final image, of your last line, is a beautiful turn that highlights the title of your poem. please don't feel obligated to review me back, as i've been churning at high output, on a creative level, these past weeks. as a result i owe bunches of reviews and would like to catch up as an escape from all that is flowing through me these days. please keep your talents flowing on this site. regards, rfj...

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lee Bakes

1 Year Ago

Dear rfj
Thank you so much! the fact that you enjoyed my poetry and fully appreciated the lit.. read more

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Added on March 27, 2016
Last Updated on March 27, 2016
Tags: poetry, rhyme, verse, love, art, literature, girl, life, work, music, books, poems on life

Author

Lee Bakes
Lee Bakes

India



About
Hello! I'm Lee! As a kid i loved writing creative writing essays at school and egged on by my kind and exemplary teachers I started writing in my free time and never stopped. My imagination is my hom.. more..

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