Pieces of Me

Pieces of Me

A Poem by Jacqueline
"

"let me remind you this is what you wanted."

"


I found a piece of me today on Appleton street.
I found another on Harris.
I found bits on bar stools and above cigar shops.
I found fragments on back roads and alleys.
I retraced the steps of us and found pieces of me
and I'm keeping them.

I thought you held them but you didn't,
you left them where you were last and now I am searching through my hometown trying to reclaim all the parts of me I've lost.

I know you feel guilty, but don't.
You might feel a little smug, please don't.

I will find all the shards of my glass heart eventually
and give them to someone who actually wants them,
damaged as they may be.

I promise I will return all your pieces in time as holding them is making my hands bleed.

Keep doing what feels right to you and I'll keep trying to understand it.
You're the king of choosing for me, but I choose this.
Futile as it may be I have to try. For me, for you.

Don't be happy for me that will just make it worse.
Just keep living the life that makes you feel happiest.
But remember, the one thing you can't control is what I do with my pieces
once I've collected them all again.

© 2015 Jacqueline



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Author's Note

Jacqueline
Something is off. I like this for the most part but it feels like there's something I'm not saying.

My Review

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Reviews

Hi, Jacqueline,
It's just Richard, come to read and review for you.
First, let me say, "As a teacher of poetry, there are issues I can certainly help you with, considering it's help you're after; and, as a reader, I am left in a state of mesmerization from the sheer honest, open, and metaphorically brilliant, and stark nuances of your creative skills."
Over the years, I read, reviewed, and critiqued literally thousands of love poems … happy, sad, and in-between, but few with the originality and poetic voice yours speaks with.
Beyond powerful word choice and arrangement, it is structure, flow, and spot-on line-breaks that are the most importance aspects at the heart of Free Verse poetry, and in all forms of poetry (in general) … less is more.
Let me illustrate an example of what I'm getting at, by using your verse one:

"I found a piece of me today on Appleton street,
another on Harris, bits on bar stools,
even others above cigar shops.
I've found fragments on back roads and alleys;
retracing our steps I found more pieces …
and I'm keeping them all."

Break apart your long lines, as they detract from the natural cadence and flow of the rest. Your punctuation and spelling are excellent, Jacqueline, and there is no doubting your emotive skills to deeply express and embrace your readers into your moments with you. I know you did me, and I cannot thank you enough for sharing this amazingly genuine-feeling homage to that which so many of us have gone through and pulled through, putting all our pieces back together enough to be complete enough again so we can move-on, but few possess the wherewithal to pose it in such an original way as you have … just work on structure and economy of wording. if you need help, just holler! : )
Kudos, hugs 'n warmest blessings of thanks, Dear Poetess! ⁓ Richard

Posted 2 Years Ago


Fragile image of a glass heart speaks volumes of your passion in this piece. It didn't seem off to me. Thank you for sharing

Posted 2 Years Ago


This is so good. so good. "holding them is making my hands bleed."

Posted 2 Years Ago


Jacqueline

2 Years Ago

Thanks doll (:

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208 Views
3 Reviews
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Added on October 18, 2015
Last Updated on October 18, 2015
Tags: Sad, poetry, love poetry, love lost, creative writing

Author

Jacqueline
Jacqueline

Minnesota, WI



About
I walk through life imagining events that have yet to happen. I yearn for adventure and passion. I'm let down so often by everyone I meet so I spend a lot of time alone. I'm a writer, a philosopher, a.. more..

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A Poem by Jacqueline