Would'ya?

I'm special too. I'm just as good. I need to tame my demons.

"Whats taking you so long Lucinda?"
I turn my head back to my older sister. 
I had always envied her. 
First child, teacher's pet.
I hated how her strawberry blonde hair shined in the light. I hated how her ocean blue eyes made me feel like I'm somewhere off the coast of the Caribbean.
Maybe I didn't hate her at all, maybe I loved everything about her. Maybe I hated how I feel like a statue around everyone, and it makes me feel depressed. 

Attempting to speak but once I get a couple of words in, May cuts me off, and suddenly all eyes cannot dare to look away at her solid beauty. 
She was a year older than me. Making her 18, and I, 17.

"Wait a minute, would'ya?"
I yell back at her.

The whole family, which consists of the parents, May and I, are off to Boston. 
It was the year she was off to college, Stanford, of course.
All the best for the best.

That year no one talked to me. I had no friends, because everyone wanted May. Bright and bubbly, May.
I guess people thought I was plain and uninteresting, which I didn't think I was.

I was nothing compared to her, even to my parents. It was as if she had some sort of power I couldn't have.
I just never understood it. I'm just as good as she is. Why don't people look at me and see what they see in her? 

Typical depressed girl, I started cutting. As if that released me.
I needed more.
Nothing tamed my demons.

We were best friends since I was born. I loved her, of course, I just hated her at the same time. Typical sisters you could say.

As we arrived the destination, Dad grabbed May's bags and hurried into the dorm.
As usual I was very timely with my plans.

We all went into the dorm room, my parents started crying, May was trying to calm them, internally I bet she couldn't wait for them to leave so she could smoke up. I wish they knew of how "perfect" their first child was.

We decided to stay until dusk to drive back, it was around 4 hours away, so we'd arrive by morning.

"May lets take a look around!"
I say to her brightly.
"Sounds good." She says with an enthusiastic grin.

I googled right away on my phone:
"Boston Ferris Wheel"
Two results came in, one just a few blocks away, and one 2 miles away.
Just great.

We walked around, met a few people, had ice cream. 
It was around 8 pm then.
I looked over and I couldn't ignore the large Ferris Wheel right next to us. I knew where we were going anyway.

I looked over and told May that we should ride it.
"What! Are you crazy? The damn thing looks scary!" She says.
May was always afraid of heights.
That of course, is to my advantage.

"Come on don't be a baby! Get over your stupid fear, you've never been on one, and this maybe the only time you ever will! I thought you came here to start new adventures? Come on M, its all about baby steps."

Exactly, Baby steps. 

We walk over to it, and just as we arrive we see the man who controls the ride closing it down.

I look at May, "May work your magic" I whispered to her with a wink.

"Hey big boy, why are you in a rush?"
He looks over to May and almost chokes on his spit.
I'd give her that, she was honestly attractive.

"Umm... Ma'am, Its by order, I have to close up by 8"
"Oh boohoo don't be a party pooper, we're just here to have a little fun, aren't we Lu?" 
"Uh huh," I nod.
"Now won't you give us one nice ride, won't you big boy? We came from 200 miles away" She says seductively.

I don't know how I did not burst laughing.
"Umm.. Okay, Ma'am, it'll be my pleasure but just for 30 minutes."

As he re-opens the ride, May and I giggle our hats off.
"Did you see his goatee? What a loser" She says to me.
"Hahaha I couldn't miss it for the world" 
Of course I wouldn't.

We ride the first carriage that pops up, and as it lifts up, she holds on to me.
The metal that holds us up creaks. Adding to the affect. 

"Why did you make me ride this!? Its horrible!"
"M, just close your eyes and breathe the air, its good for ya"

She closes her eyes, and just as each lash parked into place, it was time.
I had to do it.
It was now or never.
Just as I held onto her back, she opened her eyes. 
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing, umm May... I have a confession to make."
"You know you can tell me anything Lu, I think its time you tell me everything before I'm settled here for good."
"May, to be honest, all these years you caused me so much pain. The spotlight was always on you, and I was just the shadow. You were so popular, and I was nothing. Just May Aubrey's little sister. I want to be acknowledged for who I am, not for being your sister. I want to feel my years ahead of me, like you do. But I can't when you're around."
"Lu what do you mean?"
"All this time you caused me self hatred, I want you out. I want you out of this world, and out of mine."

I let go of her hand, unbuckle her belt, grab her back, as quick and smooth as I can, and just as she began to realize, I pushed her off.

At the start of her fall, she creamed "WHAT ARE YOU DOING LUCINDA???? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? LUCINDA!!!!!!"
I couldn't pity her, I wanted her to feel the pain I felt all these years.

I ignored all the screams. I ignored all the memories. The only thing that was consuming me was hatred and envy. 

Just as she plunged to the ground, I whispered smiling "Goodbye May, your standards won't have to consume me anymore." 

I touched my face, I was surprised, tears started rolling down my ice cold cheeks. I felt pain, even when I heard her screams, and witnessed her downfall and bloody mess. I looked down and saw my hands covered in blood. I guess I was a bit guilty. I'm not going to lie; after this long, I expected it to feel better. 

The man in charge of the ride helped me down, and asked what the screams were about. I told him they were nothing. He asked about, of course no one could forget her, May. I told him she got off earlier and that he was just too fascinated with Bay Watch on his mini T.V. to notice.

No one will suspect, she'll be simply "missing". 
Be on the news for a few months. Soon, everyone will forget her, hopefully my parents too. They'll have to accept it anyway. The spotlight will be on me for once, instead of being the reason for the darkness. 

I'll be the one people'll talk about. I'll be the only Aubrey girl, and everyone will love me.
Not for her, but for me, and only me.

Reviews

[fireblossom]

You are a dark thing sometimes. You explore the places we all go but most don't write it out. This was well written. It is almost a prose poem at times. Short stories need to be direct and clear. You only have a few words to say it all so chose the right ones and throw the rest away. Like your sister. They must go for the sake of the story...

[Lola]

Dark beautiful unusual things are my passion, I feel that somehow darkness is a part of me, maybe deep inside, even though I may come off as bubbly.
Thank you for sharing, I love reading your feedback and helpful pointers!

[Jade Mayhew]

Wow. A very dark, twisted piece. Not even close to how I expected this to end. It's never easy to live in the shadow of another person, especially a sister, but such drastic measures. I very much enjoyed this piece! Thank you so much for sharing! :)

~Jade