Oceans

Just feels and writes.

In such waters that meet no end

That stream through channels, they twist and bend

There pumps emotion that flows in waves

Splish and Splash the truth it caves

It tickles my sand as the crescents run

They tease and amuse just for fun

But I think she's sunk in Ocean depth

Perhaps she was already met by death

If so, don't float, let your body blend

Inside such cavern where emptiness send

The wastes and forgotten of all these tears

Who laughs of passion, who enrage my fears

No Ocean is deeper than the one I'm in

It carries faces with which I have sinned

You will fail in the attempt to find its art

For this vast Ocean, of the world is not a part

The place you look for is asleep in my heart's... Oceans

 

Reviews

[Ana Papaya]

Smooth flow, really like this Drift.
Feels like a journey of past, present and future.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Ah, it looks like our waters arent so far, but of course you are able to swim, I hope :)

[Ana Papaya]

I'm part fish.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

oh a mermaid? It would be an honor to swim next to such a beauty

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A good metaphorical usage in this one. The flow and meter needs some editing/crafting. Rhyming is often difficult as the trap is to find a phrase to fit the rhyme at the expense of provenance.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Yes thank you, though I wasnt trying to make it structured, but I will keep it in consideration. I appreciate the observation

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"The place you look for is asleep in my heart's... Oceans"

This is deep! And brilliantly so. I feel each of us carry more depth than the ocean itself...
Beautiful write, Sire. I enjoyed reading this :)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I enjoyed you being around, princess. Yes, we all have our own Oceans, and ironically we dont even know what sleeps deep within it. Will you sail across?

[Dr. YumnaKay]

true.. I think I'll probably drown haha :P

[Saud Maroof]

This is the second poem i read from you, the first one had me wanting to bash you and accuse you of disgrace and tell you how lousy and wasteful your atempt was (with kindness of coarse) but was too lazy to type something. Now this one had me wanting to curse you with the worst of dictionary for prooving me wrong. You have quite brilliantly crafted a marvellous piece, i am honored to read your genuine and inspiring work. You are not just a story teller my friend your are an artist too.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Ah, you honor me my friend, you really do with those twisting confusing words, lol (in a good way) I really appreciate you stopping by.

[Saud Maroof]

You got to bait a fish before you praise its wits.

A pleasure

[Poeticme]

Good.... Great.... Awesome, your very good my man... Wonderful imagery in this, thanks for sharing this deeply poetic piece

Poeticme

[Zenovia]

They tease and amuse just for fun
But I think she's sunk in Ocean depth
Perhaps she was already met by death

The ocean it has its own language isn't it ..

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

It has many wonderful things. I wish to dive Ocean Deep, will I see you there? 😉

[APOORVA]

very well written.
an inspirational one for any reader

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Thank you very much for the kindness

[A.L.]

Definitely one of my favorites from you. "Who laughs of passion, who enrage my fears" Hmmm

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

For some reason I laughed