Concrete Angels Forum How does the abuse from past e..

For me...it has made it hard for me to adjust to being love by the man who loves more then anything or anyone. I often feel like a child with him. I feel I can't speak up or confide my thoughts in him...it scares me. I also react like a child to our quarrels. It seems I can't get out of the victim mode. and friends!!! I don't really make any. My life is complicated...partly due to me. Anyone esle feels this way?

I have been there... It takes a special person to help through that and if you are lucky you have found him. Trust is hard for us, isn't it!!!

I have a very hard time trusting but at the same time I can be too trusting. I'm very clingy and needy. My self esteem is very low. I'm very scary (mostly everything scares me). I suffer from major depression and other mental illnesses, and just like Cat, when I'm yelled at or anything I react childlike and immediately break down crying. I can't toIerate yelling, shouting, fighting, or arguing because it upsets me. I jump at every loud noise and flick or put my arms up to protect myself if I think someone is going to hit me.

I went to the other extreme. I don't get offensive, I get defensive. I yell back and I get angry. I have VERY powerful feelings and I get so mad sometimes that I think that I am going to hit something, but I also have VERY tight control as well.

I get defensive alot too and I take it out on myself.. (self harmer, lash out at others, etc) but I get offensive just the same.

I do both as well. First I withdraw. Then if I feeled cornered, I come out swinging both literally and emotionally. I withdraw to hold it in...but when I feel threaten in any way...it's on.

My childhood stuff caused me to fall into the first set of arms that were open and that led me into a nightmare. After the abuse from my husband... I can't cry anymore. It might sound strange, but it's almost like that part doesn't work anymore. It makes my boyfriend crazy... he says girls are supposed to cry. Humph! I do get angry and yell easily... very defensive. And, I know I come across cold hearted. It's not my intention, but I'll be damned if anyone is ever gonna hurt me like that again!

I know what you mean. I WILL NOT deal with taht in my life ever again and GOD HELP any man who even thinks to lay w finger on a child of mine with anything but good intent. I think that is honestly one thing I could murder a man for.

Yep, yep! Those kids are all I've got. I think I hurt my bf's feelings the other day when I said that nothing matters without them. But, I can't take that back. Nothing in my life matters without those 3 little pains in my behind. He's good with them and good to them. He makes them mind and behave, but he does it without being a jerk. Which is new to all of us.

I have a question... Will life get ANY better???????? ::sad:: ::cry::

Yes...

Can I promise that, no. But I know life is never easy and we have to take it as it comes. I also know that life is what you make of it...you want joy, you have to make it happen for you and not focus on what is not working. Or esle nothing will ever work. Count your blessings as you go..that way you keep sane and live life fully.

All I can do big sis is try and I have been... ::tongue::

It does get better... and Yira is right, it is what you make it! Last year my aunt begged for months for me to go out with them and get into life again. I finally said enough is enough and I went for it. Ended up being one hell of a crazy summer, but when I stopped focusing on the things that were wrong, life was waiting!

For me, I was abused at a very early age with my twin sister. We grew up hiding at night, mostly outside of the house to get away from our adopted brothers who were a lot older then us. There wasn't any place we could go without being raped or attempted rape by those boys.

Today I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I take anxiety pills for sleeping. I have all sorts of triggers that make me feel uncomfortable. Flashbacks of all the abuse we went through. It could be a song, or a tone of voice, a word, a smell, someone who looks like that person. I have thought of suicide many times but I seem to get to a therapist before I do myself in. I am stuck on survivial mode. I will always have to deal with this for the rest of my life and probably never be able to have a normal sleep pattern. I have nightmares that I physically play out which makes my husband a little fearful of me now... we put pillows between us!

I write to help ease my pain. Keeps my mind busy. But I don't like to close my eyes, fearing of the nightmares... constantly waiting to get out and replay in my mind. My hope is that someday I will be normal... sigh

Krystal Waters

Hugs, Kristine! thanks for being so brave. I am proud of you! ::biggrin::

I have a Question: How do you begin to live again after abuse?

Hi Crystal and thank you for inviting me to this group of lovely people. You of all people have accomplished so much, from birth to now. From the physical disabilities to your own mind and mental health... and yet, you continue to thrive. Maybe you don't live to the fullest all the time... and hold back. My wish to you is that someday you will be able to. *HUGS*


Krystal Waters

How does one live after abuse? Crystal you asked this question. I don't know... for me I went into survival mode, low self esteem and I looked at the world completely different. I was scared all the time and I guess I just made myself do what I had to do. To be around people was the worst, but I had to attend college. It was so hard driving to school and parking then walking into the building. I remember just shaking and terrified.

So the answer to the question is coping. Facing your fear and dealing with what comes your way. It's not easy and you'll always have something in the back of your mind of what happened... triggers. Try to be good to yourself.


Krystal Waters

Your welcome!! I'm glad you like it here and are becoming comfty! ::biggrin::

Thanks for sharing what you did and how your getting through. I guess my way of coping is different from others.