The Ride Home

Rag Doll Series

The Ride Home

Innocent little Jessica observes her new little doll
Gazing into her black buttoned eyes deep into her soul
The mother pays no attention the rag doll begins to move
Squealing with excitement Jessica is eager to prove
"See look mommy Casey’s moving she did walk to me"
Mother paying no attention “yes that’s nice sweet pea”

The doll looks up at Jessica strangulation one of the needs
“awww mommy she’s reaching out can I have her beads?”

Reaching to the passenger seat
to the box where the beads remain
Passing back to Jessica when she first notices the stain
“mommy there’s a red spot on little Casey’s dress”
“I will clean it when I get home”
another job to add to her stress
Casey notices the intention and refrains from reaching out
Once those beads put her to sleep they will remain no doubt

Jessica holds the beads in hand
they glow and swirl in amber
Arrival at the new rag dolls home
The stairs Jessica starts to clamber

In her room she places the beads around Casey’s neck
But the clasp not fully closed and Jessica didn’t check
The door slams as the girl exits
Casey begins to smile
For when she returns home and goes to bed
the bodies will start to pile

Author's Note

How Am I doing with these?? I just wanted to cause some suspense with this one and make sure that everything is covered from my original submission

please give honest reviews as always and any suggestions where you want this to go i'm open to ideas

Reviews

[Shelby]

Ooh, creepy. There's something about dolls just in and of themselves that creep me out, and you've successfuly put the freakish idea into words. And the suspense is a nice touch, always a must for the horror writers. I love, also, that you've put it into poem form, but it's a story as well. Very effective. You've drawn me in and I am eager to read on, so well done. You have an interesting style of writing, dark unusual, and in some ways, you remind me of Neil Gaiman. Which is a compliment in my book, pardon the pun. You push the boundaries, not just in subject but in structure and style, which is good to see. You experiment with your work and it's obviously done wonders for you because your work is very edgy and powerful, which is really the point of our work. So well done and thank you for sharing this with me.

[guiltyascharged]

Wow. That's nice. Yet scary. It's like the movie 'Child's Play'. Except Chuckie is in girl form. Nice job!

[Sunni Davis]

Very suspensful. I'm completely creeped out but I cant wait to read more.

[Quinn Blackburn]

we know it's coming and it isn't gonna be pretty. My only suggestion is the line "but the clasp not fully closed" might read a little better "But the clasp did not fully close, and Jessica didn't check" Never had a piece of loose jewelery feel so ominous! great writing!

[Sarusai Hiryu]

seriously creepy

[Deactivated_BurningDemo..]

Suspense was definitely created here. I can wait for the killing (me being quite morbid, it's bound to be my favourite one).
I would put all of these in a book if I were you. For easier access.

[Stef Outsiders]

There is defiantly suspense, I can picture her evil smile after the girl leaves the room. It's like I'm watching a horror poet movie, it's awesome!
Maybe the next one, when the girl returns or goes to bed, casey manages to get hold of a pencil and uses that to kill her victims or tries to... the girl find's it innocent that a doll is trying to kill her... lol

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

clamber means to awkwardly climb jessica being a young girl I thought this would be a good use of the word

[cfix]

I think you are doing a great job. I have a question for you though what does "Clamber" mean? Seriously here i think these writes are very well done. You ought to put all of them into a book together.