Ocean Lullaby

WARNING: Images depicting death. My first time writing a sonnet. I wrote this for poetry class and it will be edited at some point. I like how it came out, though.

Ocean Lullaby
By Alira Cohen

I lurk so quietly among the waves of red,
I hide delicately behind the coral blue.
I live in madness beside the swimming dead,
And through all my years I’ve found it true…
That the skin hangs loosely and fades to green,
And when those bones appear, they ponder,
What should we do, and what does this mean?
Through the valley of sharks they wander.
I feel no sadness as their skeletons sway,
And their skulls don’t haunt my slumber;
Still, my madness comes from miles away
In the voices of gold and umber.
When I die I’ll close my eyes so I won’t see
The rot dear Death must make of me.

Author's Note

My first time writing a sonnet, as I stated. I’m always worried about posting my poems as I’m newer at it. Please enjoy, but if you are to comment, be respectful.

Reviews

[_rabbitofhabit (1word)]

First off, before reading, I love the name. It just sounds poetic. It rolls off the tongue and through two simple words, you've put an expectation, a certain atmosphere in my head.

The first line already defies my expectations and the contrast between what I was expecting compared to what I'm reading draws me in.

Great use of colors. Red waters is a vivid image, and I found the blue coral within even more so. It's funny because I'd expect the waters blue and the coral red (or pinkish). This draws me in more and, frankly, I just like the color pattern. Great choice as what to describe. Overall, the imagery is great. I especially liked the line about skeletons swaying.

The ambiguity of what happened makes me want to know more.

[Alira]

Thanks!! I really liked playing around with the colors and seeing what kind of interesting images I could come up with that’d match an ocean setting—there are so many great opportunities for interesting imagery in a watery setting , if that makes sense. I’m glad you liked it!!

[Alira]

**Note
Author here.
Not a review, of course, just a comment.
I have changed the name to “Ocean Lullaby” as, since this is my first sonnet, it strays a bit from proper sonnet format. That being said, it may be edited to more closely resemble a proper sonnet in the future, as I will be researching this. However, I do not want to limit the poem by simply naming it “sonnet,” and I do enjoy how this draft came out quite a bit. Therefore, for now I am renaming it. When I get to revising it, I’ll see if I want to lean more into the sonnet format. Lastly, I would like to thank everyone who has left reviews and feedback on this poem. You are awesome!

[Chris Shaw]

You have a lovely poetic voice. Some great dark description here. I enjoyed what I read.

Chris

[Alira]

Thank you so much!

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Alira 🌾

In ancient lore it's told that, "From Fire, Air, Water, and Earth (the four vital elements of life) we are formed … to the elements we return, that only our spirits remain intact throughout eternity."
Of the elements we can be quite certain … of the spiritual, no being alive can know for certain, even though, there are those who claim to … with no proof, of course.
Your poem speaks to me of such wonderment in the most amazingly beautiful poetical voice of imagery, metaphor, emotion, spot-on rhymes, and the sheer enthrallment of mental word painting.
Alira, there are a number of issues with your Sonnet I'd love to chat with you about … if interested, gimme a shoulder tap by message.

I love how your mind works in expressing through poetry … thank you most gratefully for sharing YOU! ⁓ Richard🖌

[Alira]

Thank you for your kind words about my piece! As for issues, I’m open to any suggestions possible, especially since I’m still new with writing poetry and this is my first sonnet. I’d love to hear your perspective on how I could improve it as a sonnet.

[Richard🖌]

🐝 with you soon. 😊

[Alira]

Very nice 👍

[John the Baptist]

A well rhymed but somber offering here. The speaker looks upon the physical evidence of death and is appalled. But of course what is beheld is but change, and consciousness does not rot.

[Alira]

Thank you for your review, John! I appreciate it; I feel as though, from what you have said here, that I’ve done a good job getting my message across…I’d say that’s pretty decent for a first sonnet.