Guilty

Tears fall to the ground,
She wonders
How did I get like this
Why did i let myself fall,
Her old ways
Settling in,
Her guilty pleasures
Wanting to take control
The pills call her name,
The razor fits so perfectly
In her hands,
The sick
Twisted
Happy feeling that she gets
At the sight of her blood,
And the tingling sensation
She feels as the pills set in,
She gets shaky
Nervous,
Flustrated,
Just thinking about it,
Wondering if she will have the strength
To stop it before it even starts.