Trip the darkness

Lost and defeated! A poem about the current world as I see it

By a path obscure and lonely
Hunted by dead angels only
I trip the burning darkness
And wait for madness
That place where you hear no steps
Nor shouts of dying lips
No pulse within fading veins
No one cares! To hear the pain

In darkness stream, the flow of tears
I wonder with screaming memories
Past fangs clinging to my back
Like a mutineer giant spiteful and black
As the indigo carpet above me fall
And all its pearls on the ground roll
Along my tears they mix and shine
So bright my eyes go blind

Silhouettes dance in absolute shadow
Pictures of joys raped by sorrow
Eidolon waving as they fly upright
To melt with the falling pearls of light

I fall into seas of flowing dark
With nothing but a silent heart
I feel the waves drifting me far
As I watch the pearls fall apart
Now drown! These stars in dark sea
So does, my once upon a time dreams

I can no longer save them all
I lie numb and watch them fall
Destroying the walls of time
Like my hopes they shed without a rhyme
I let the tides of life take me away
Leaving slowly, departing bay

 

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

Hunted or haunted by dead angels? I'd like to see a little more punctuation, Adam, comma after 'only', full stop after 'madness', shouts 'from' dying lips(,) and let that final line run without the exclamation mark. I won't go through the entire poem, but comma after 'giant, fall(s), stop after 'blind'. An interesting piece, though rather a personal view and perhaps a little obscure. If it hadn't been for the note at the top of the poem, I would have wondered what it was about.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you Mr.David!
This is exactly what I am looking for! Some serious criticism!
i admit that this is my major flaw, those small things!
I will edit it
And I agree its a little too personal and obscure,and I understand that poetry should be a secret, riddle or too personal, but I meant it to be that way!
Never intended to publish it, its just something I wrote for myself

[vspjaguar]

nicely written! we both have this darkness in common..

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you! And yeah i noticed so

[TheJordBaker]

My favourite piece of yours I've encountered so far, for sure. Abstract, yet still I feel the voice's thoughts with in my own head. The flow and rhyme scheme are natural and this feels like an effortlessly quality piece of writing.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you, my friend!
Your testimony I treasure and hold proudly!

[LA Lorena]

Lovely cadence to this, you write very well. I'm not usually a fan of the dark stuff, but you could sway me.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

I am ever so pleased to hear so!
:)

[Rob Santana]

This is a well penned piece. Good job.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you! i am humbled