O’rising moon!

For someone I yearn for

O rising moon with thy light!

Shining mute throughout the night

Thou are eminent in the sky

Among roses black and dry

Pick one vivid still, and bright

Wrap it tenderly in night

Spray stardust for it to gleam

And match the smile of my dream

 

O rising moon with thy light!

Shinning lofty at end of sight

Why are thee stray in space?

Why are tears on thy face?

 It’s some time and she will wake

Rise, shine and shade her lakes

 

O rising moon with thy light!

Shinning mute throughout the night

Descend fast from thy throne

Kill the hours I spend alone

Bring to life the sight I miss

The pearly face of our princess

Reviews

[eglantine]

Second time you use "night" in the first stanza, I'd replace it with something else. I understand you are trying to keep in the rhyme scheme, but it's too much "night" for one stanza.

I'm glad you wrote about one of my favorite subjects--the lovely moon.

Interesting that it is "our princess." The speaker shares this femininity with the moon. I'd like to see more of this interesting relationship.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

I'd take your suggestion in consideration. However, the usage of night in the 6th line was not solely for keeping the rhyme, it has its own meaning, but I'll see through it though

Thank you for reading

[Tarry Franck]

Loved the imagery and it flowed quite well. Great tribute!!!! Sorry for your loss!!!!!

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you very much!

[Enid Blake]

I liked the gothic, eerie atmosphere you created in this poem. I found it a smooth read.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

I am honored, thank you

[Rob Santana]

I like it. Good piece

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

thank you

[Hadeel ( Charming Fairy..]

Wowwwwww... this is another side of yours that i didn't expect it , our words are our secrets ;) And she is really lucky and she will feel happy if read such lovely words. I liked this side of you i wish to see more of it :)

[David Lewis Paget]

Shining, one 'n'. 'eminent 'in' the sky, Among 'the' roses, 'among' sounding as a single syllable here. 'Pick one vivid still, and bright' helps the metre. Always try to maintain the metre; 'Wrap it tenderly in the night'; 'Shade her lakes' seems to have been inserted solely for the rhyme, but doesn't really make much sense. Kill the hours I spend alone, Bring to life the 'sight' I miss, etc. The first line of the last verse could do with a comma after moon. (Well, you did ask - lol)

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Please Mr.David dont stop! I know I asked for it and I need it, otherwise, how would I learn?

Thank you! I'll work on it!

[LA Lorena]

Lovely write Adam. What lucky lady would not want such poetry written for her? She is fortunate indeed.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

May she rest in peace...

[Anjelica Allen]

I love the imagery in this piece.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you
Check others, this is quite simple :)

[MOON]

Lovely write!

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you :)