Deceived

My sinking horizon

Collapsed on the ground,

When the light of your sun

Slowly burned me down

To black, wispy ashes

That dance in the wind,

Trying to find

Their way back again.

Tell me why you broke,

Beneath my delicate hands,

I wasn’t strong enough,

I don’t understand

 

Dark, dismal corners,

In my mind filled with shadows,

You took everything in me,

That used to have a glow.

Slide your hands,

Slowly down my face,

Wipe off my tears,

My shining eyes you trace,

With your deceiving whispers,

Telling me to stay,

When all you wanted,

Was to take me away.

 

Paint me a picture,

When I saw right through,

All your lies and deceit,

When I actually had a clue.

You scarred me then left me,

So scared and unable,

You pushed me down,

My soul is in shambles.

 

Desperately you followed me,

when I left you behind,

In the darkness you created,

In the back of my mind.

I gave you my heart,

Then I was your slave,

You threw me in the ocean,

I died in the waves.

 

Author's Note

This is mostly a double sided poem, with two different viewpoints from one person. I think it's lacking some fluidity....

Reviews

[Raymond]

First: You're being too hard in your note. The poem was great. I had several "fav" lines here: Black whispy ashes...I'll be your ghost...well on and on. I only came here cuz I saw a review you did that killed me...then I read your profile which was genius...and now I find a great poem...ok, gonna go read more...hey your 14 hours ahead of me, can you tell me what happens tomorrow? Thanks LOL

[Bare trees]

This is a really good poem Aleyah. I think your right about the fluidity though. I suppose a thesaurus could help some. It does for me. There may be some present and past tense issues as well. But overall, I like it and I think it has really good potential after some revision.