A Hurricane in Her Eyes

   Her eyes are a girl standing by the ocean: power and innocence, salt and soft sand, she says I have nothing to fear.  A quiet beauty, a furious intellegence, billowing and magnificent.  Clouds rolling in the distance, and the sun squinting through. 

    My mind is a child in the storm of her iris, afloat on a raft, slowly sinking.  Sinking into cumulous blues and light, burning in the sun.  No lightning flashes, but I hear the thunder rumble.  In the distance a girl is on the beach, she says I have nothing to fear.  As I look back, I wish I hadn't beleived her.

Reviews

[Ligeia]

This looks like flash fiction to me, I'm not sure you've ever heard of it.
My teacher used to write it a lot, I've never tried. Perhaps I might someday.
You've inspired me.

Brilliant imagery, I like that a lot.
I'm not sure what to feel when reading this.
The write is very emotional and mysterious.
Perhaps it's the fact that it's so personal.
I don't think I'd completely understand the meaning in this unless you explained it to me.

Love it nonetheless.
Keep up the good work and thank you for sharing.

[Zombeh]

Powerful and fantastic, and I love the long metaphors. This is short, but great. Keep it up! :)

[mcg03002]

Billowing and magnificent! I love it! The poem itself exhibits both power and innocence. The speaker is strong enough to recognize his smallness (child in the storm) and helplessness in the presence of girl who is too much for him to contain. She's deep enough for him to sink in, because he's not yet gained the depth and experience to match hers. He's innocent and naive, and acknowledges the fact in the last line.

[Freder Fredersen (aka G..]

Great emotional power and awesome imagery. Love that last line. Way to finish. Struck a nerve with me.
cheers!

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This is enjoyable. I liked it because it was sweet.

[The Wave]

short, a tad vague like u said, but good...

really liked this, love the imagery and your word choice
i could imagine the scene in my head as i read along, but its clear things go a little deeper...
overall, its pretty well written...
good job

[not me]

Beautifully written, It reminds me of the way I sometimes write. Descriptive and heartfelt. Love it.

[Elizabeth Thief]

Very good poem!!

[Lori]

This does have a mysterious, enigmatic quality to it that I think makes it a terrific read. I like when the writer challenges the reader and let's the reader do a little work...a little digging. That makes poetry more powerful, because it can resonate differently every time you read it, and I read this several times. For me, the poem shows the narrator being completely swept away by the other person, totally in the moment and it's a powerful moment.