WHOOSH!

time is flying off
            in a bll-uuuuuuu-rrrrr
i thought so! ...       thought i tasted
       the burnt edges of its
 post-lively frame
as it whipped past me in a
     decadent fog


and the clock! i saw
its needy hands waving rapidly
   a goodbye & see you soon, hopefully
to their master


and i saw; i knew it!
through alarmingly misty
windowpanes
        the sky turned to    a   dreaded          grey
tried to    fight the power of the hour
with armies of
     frustrated raindrops  and         heavy        cloud        guards
that fell apart with defeat; minutes tiptoed into the air
     and tickled the stars out from the night's belly


it flies
              much too fast
in a blll-uuuuuu-rrrrrr
        sly and persistent; yanks the sun up
  by its haloed hair
and returns home;    a ticking time bomb.

Reviews

[Clockwork]

I like a lot of the elements of the poem. I really enjoy how the poem progresses from the first launch point of time until it returns home to wait again. I also really like the alliteration you have going on with things like the suns "haloed hair" and the assonance of the phrase "the power of the hour." You had a lot of really nice personification in here as well. I think this piece is one of the most polished poems I have read from you and U really enjoyed it.

[Alpris]

Thank you very much, dear :) Yes I am trying to improve the way I write. I think I have changed significantly over the months and a good review like this from you is always a good sign. Cheers, mate.

[Clockwork]

I would say that you have made really big strides over the last few months! I have been away for awhile and I am thrilled to read the new things you have :-)

[Alpris]

And I have missed you dearly, things've been a little too plain without you. Keeping well, I hope? Thanks for reading :)

[Clockwork]

I have missed our conversations. Things have been well, but they have also been quite chaotic lately. I'm glad :-)

[Alpris]

Likewise. And that's good! Chaos has its upsides and downsides, I expect you are dealing with it like a champ though. ;)

[Clockwork]

Yes it does indeed. I think that I have dealt with it well with all things considered. It still hurts my hearts though.

[Alpris]

Awww, you poor thing; yes it sounds rather rough there. Anything you want to talk about in private?

[cilla]

There are so many good things here in what you have written. Unexpected images of an abstract world:

"time is flying off / in a bll-uuuuuuu-rrrrr / ... thought i tasted / the burnt edges of its / post-lively frame / as it whipped past me in a / decadent fog"
Wow! Burnt edges and decadent fog? This is wonderful stuff. I can't think of a concept more abstract than time and am reminded of Salvador Dali's melting watches in his painting Persistence of Memory.

And it returns home a ticking bomb? Of course it does ... there is simply no other logical conclusion.

This is excellent ... yes and it does fly much too fast.

[Rob Santana]

very good writing. I find it awesome how you put your words together.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

very original, you definitely have your own style and I like it. Riveting poetry.

[Kaa Na Kalyanasundaram]

Good write. I like it.

[Alpris]

Thank you, dear!

[Pól]

Brilliant