Ice Blanket

KEEP IN MIND: I was inspired to attempt a Ghazal drunk :P will definitely fix up if needed.

 

 

 

 

woven fingers walked the raging fire path within me
jeans, tight; scream off at the heat of the moment


she's asking me to sign the dotted drips at the bottom
where i can carve a tongue's permission to please the moment


it's a struggle; separating denim from tight hot biscuit brown skin
to match its soul mate of cream olive, soft and damp taste the moment


splashes of strawberry, chocolate; a Neapolitan crime scene
paints a picture of excitement's evidence on what was a plain white moment


a storm's generous puddle, we become a ravenous muddle
lips drink neck, knees feast blossomed dewed rosebud; bloomed a hot pink moment


it's a tangle; she's found some childish want within her
she pleads with fluttering lips of need, the sweet salt of me;  marinated moment


we'll keep warm together on behalf of the shivering moon
in bed where we roll red hills in a dark passion-lit room, seasoned moment


melts the ice blanket thawed on desire's grilled beat
slippery slide, scissor wide and bodies glide; live wires light the moment


meet back together in Heaven, a heavy slumber blanketed fog
no match for the ghostly snowflake’s grovel, melted in the moment

Reviews

[Keith]

Even drunk you managed to pull off a piece that is filled with imagery that paints a sensuous picture.
Some of the passages were a bit too drunkese for me, but the overall effect was pleasant.
All in all nicely done.

[cilla]

You have a wonderful talent for capturing the little details that bring the poem to life ... my favorite verse ...

"splashes of strawberry, chocolate; a neapolitan crime scene
paints a picture of excitement's evidence on plain white sheets"

This looks in form like a Ghazal ... ??? Strange the things the mind conjures up while drinking!!!

It seems as though you did a little experimenting with each verse which is great for creativity but somehow the pieces didn't quite fit together smoothly. Still, your work is joy to read and ... " for the snivel of the ghostly snowflake" ... put a smile on my face that is still there. ; )

[Fabio_Cassilias]

nice, enjoyed reading it.

[Mark D]

Wonderful piece of writing!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

it's a struggle; separating denim from tight hot biscuit brown skin
to match its soul mate of cream olive, soft and damp

such vivid descriptions, those being by favorite... such a wonderfully sultry poem.

[Michael G.]

You do some very good work intoxicated. What is there to "fix up?"
We flowing, beautifully written.
You allow the reader to see and feel everything you describe.
An enjoyable read.

[joshua deathdealer]

This is such a great piece. Very well expressed and sincerely captivating.

[Forest Green]

Your expressions are of a turning gem, that sparkles more deeply at times, then shades to a glimmer. Contrasts in color and sensation, a very interesting voice that seems to find the rainbow's end with ease...