I've Seen

I've seen more spine in jellyfish,

More heart in tin men.

If you don't stop manipulating,

It'll go down the drain again.

Don't even try to complain.

I've seen bullies with more devotion,

Apathetics with more emotion,

Go ahead, make your potion

Of lies and stretched notions.

You don't scare me.

Rough gems have less flaws,

Than you; You're the cause.

I've seen the real you,

Trust me, the reality check

Is long overdue.

Reviews

[DarkFable]

Dayyum! I really love the burns in this like, "I've seen more spine in jellyfish" and "Rough gems have less flaws Than you." I feel like this could make a great heavy metal song. Please keep making these!

[alesuriko]

Decent rhymes, I really liked the comparisons. Especially "Apathetics with more emotion" and "more spine in jellyfish". The flow could use a little work, it's slightly awkward in some places. But overall, good poem with good imagery.

[Sam Cambell]

Good rythm, nice rhyming, and a wonderful display of emotions. I think it's a good one, straight from The Armit of Massachusetts. (I wasn't aware this was a town, but hey....) Good poem.

[Rosalyn Marie]

wow i could see this being a song.. like if u put in a chorus between each ctanza then it cud totally be one :) like... with an acoustic giutar and stuff... that wud be cool :)

[SimplyDisastrous]

I love this [:

[Gianna Perry]

Wow is right. This is so powerful. It's incredibly well written, and with so much meaning to it...you didn't sacrifice any meaning for the rhyme, like some other poems do. This is just...wow. Wow.

100/100

PS I like the author's note :D

[Jong Schrijver]

Wow. I sense the anger and strong emotion behind this. I love this poem and it is really well written. You can sense the obvious anger behind it, but the way you expressed it was just amazing. Going in my favorites:) Good job again.

[Alex Thomas]

I like it a lot. The rhythm, the contradictions, the language. The first line is actually a line in a favorite song of mine. Strong hateful message.